Now I am discouraged

The job I was waiting to hear about, teaching in the MS at LC, well, it seems that they went with someone else. So as the leaves have been stripped off a little at a time over these past months, I can easily say that there aren't any green leaves clinging on anymore.

So where to from here...I look at the want adds in the paper a little more seriously. I have to realize that what I want and what is are usually different. It will be strange not to be a teacher anymore...

Then there are those days

When we were in Eipomek for OE, we would have those days that all our stuff was out to dry and the rain came in, we were all set to go and do a project with our only clean clothes only to find out that it involved getting really muddy. One of my dear friends had saved her last pair of clean everything for the return trip only to fall down headlong into a muddy creek while traversing a log on her way up to the airplane. Yesterday was one of those days when everything clear suddenly became very unclear. I became very uncertain again about what I am writing for my Major Project. I still have not heard about my job prospects this fall. Scott told us that every person in his National Guard unit was called up to go to Iraq and the only reason he has not been called up was because he was not in the system. There is a good likelihood as he gets back in the system that he might be called up as well or then maybe not... So here we are in the mist again.

A few hours before this shot was taken you could look all the way down the valley to vista's with waterfalls and mountains. Not a few days back we had the view, I was feeling really good about my project and Scott was encouraged about the work prospects this coming year. Things can change in a minute, ya? It is hard at times like this to know if God can see the mountains even if we can't. Funny...He made them I am sure He knows each hill and valley, waterfall and flower. Maybe that is why in Matthew He tells us to consider the grass of the field...Not to worry, don't be anxious, Fret not...Oh ya..Psalms 37, Fret not, Trust in, Delight yourself , Cast all your cares, and BE STILL. The Amplified says it so succinctly, which is strange in that it is the amplified version, Let Be and Be still. OK already...OK !

Sometimes it is better to do just what it says

Do not entry...or don't come in here, you are not welcome. We were walking around temple areas and many times there were sections we were not allowed to entry :). The reason being I found out later is that we would bring bad ju-ju into this place of worship and there may not be enough sacrifices to be done to cleanse the place after we leave. Easier just to not allow us to enter.
Funny though, that is where I wanted to go just because they did not want me in there. I know..not very sensitive but honest. I don't like to be told to do anything, I think it is a common feeling amongst human beings and dogs. Dogs because we are trying to train our pup who also does not like to be told what she is not allowed to do. There are so many times during the day when I simply tell her no..no and no again. Do not come in, pick up, knock over, eat, chew, run through, jump on and entry. Psalm 37 gives me some very clear direction as well. Clear and concise... I am not allowed to fret, tells me I have to trust and delight and commit and then be still. I seem to want to do the opposite. Sometimes though it is just better to do what it says...

Woke up one morning...OK

I have no idea what morning but one day I realized I wasn't dreading the day anymore. I am still having a hard time thinking we were ever gone from here but the routing of the day and the summer has overtaken the intensity

But let me give you a snapshot of our days...

I am writing for my MA degree, I am watering my garden, I am shuttling kids here and there, I am saying a loud NO to the puppy every second of every hour and I am eating my absolute favorite berry in the world, the blue one. It is about 75 degrees here during the day and about 54 at night. It really can't be any more perfect. It is a bit on the cool side for me but I can accommodate. Scott is working, Mijo is flitting here and there, Nick is riding bike everywhere with his buddy and I am home with the mad pup. No news about next year but I am hoping this week will tie up those loose ends. We have found a church we want to invest in and Facebook keeps me somewhat connected to everyone everywhere. I think I am OK...I miss a lot of things and lots of people. Missing, that is a subject all to its own.

Renewing her passport

A friend of mine called me yesterday...88 year old woman whom I love dearly. She was welcoming me home and wanting to hear all about our adventures. As we talked she told me about her moving to a home and this has been really hard on her. " I always thought I would just be taken home but I guess I am taking a detour".
I heard this quote in a movie we watched, "You know how to make God laugh...make plans". All the plans we make and how much of it doesn't quite happen the way we thought. As we were coming to the end of our conversation she told me that she was going to renew her passport on Monday..."you never know" she said. I love that spunk in her..I love that she loves God and has done so most her life. I love it that she rests and struggles with life at 88 and wonders how to trust God in this next change she is going through. I love it that she is going to her renew her passport because you really never know and you have to be prepared. Scott told me the other day as I bemoaned the fact that I don't know what I am going to do this fall...Heidi, everything can change in a moment...wait and see. So even though I don't have to renew my passport, I am prepared. I am waiting and seeing and waiting some more.

Order in chaos

To be honest...it is hard for me to be here in Lynden. Not because it is Lynden, it is a great town and community but because I have no idea what I am supposed to do here in Lynden. Every day I wake up wondering what I am going to do to fill the day. When we were in Jogjakarta every morning we had this buffet of breakfast foods to choose from, western, Chinese or Indonesian. The juices alone made for a beautiful visual and that was just the start of the day...

So..I have been reading, finishing my quilt, cleaning the house, disciplining the puppy, fixing supper and wondering. I read the other day that when we bring order into chaos we bring God's kingdom down here as it is in Heaven. It is as though what I do here affects heaven, could my making order out of the chaos of my house and garden bring glory to God? Could what I think is mundane really be sacred after all?

Is the buffet offered to me every morning though simple yet still really as profound and significant as any buffet given to anyone in anyplace? Could it be as simple as that?

From there to here

This was the first day we arrived in Papua. All scroggy from lack of sleep and in wonder at being in Sentani. Mijo and Nick were shorter and we had no idea what lay ahead of us. Zip a year later and we are not so much in wonder at being in Lynden but we have no idea what is ahead. We have some idea probable much more then we had that day in August.
To be honest I have no idea why I am still keeping a blog. The routine of being in Lynden can't really be of interest ...it isn't even interesting to me. I am in a bit of a funk which I can't seem to talk myself out of. Again, I know it is a transition but I can't imagine you are all interested in my ravings and mundane struggles. So unless I hear otherwise or feel otherwise...This should be it.