little light on the subject

Mijo and Nick are both trying out for parts in the drama of school. Mijo in a drama and Nick in football. Mijo made the call backs but not the play and we have yet to see if Nick gets to play the position he is trying out for. On Friday though, he was rather discouraged because he could not catch the ball. I think this is important in football and the position he is trying to get.

Both these children are wanting to make their marks and participate fully in the stage of school life. They put themselves out there to be rejected and/or accepted but they put themselves out there anyway.

Of course, Mijo not making it in the play makes me wonder about the fairness of the system at all. All I know is how wonderful Mijo is...I just see her with the light I have. She is always center stage for me no matter what part she plays. Nick is always the best on the team no matter what position he plays. The beam of light follows them wherever they go, no matter their achievement, no matter their success or lack of.

I am not one of those parents who thinks their children are owed anything, they need to earn whatever place they get BUT in the capricious world of merit I know they will at times not even get what they deserve because coaches and directors also have just a little bit of light and that beam might look elsewhere. Nothing is fair in love and war, plays and football. As my wounded players come off the field of intent and desire, I enfold them as best I can and ride it out until the next time they put themselves out there. I pray really hard that the beam of light from those who have the power to choose will coincide with the beam I have and shine on these two wonderful players and they will be able to play to the best of their ability on the stage or field of their desire.

Not all that...

School started yesterday and I must say it is lovely to be teaching again. Teenagers are amazing beings.
On a whole other note...We all usually feel like we are really good at something. Not that we are the best ever seen but ...close. For me, I knew I had a good curriculum for my Family Psychology class and I was very proud of all the thing I put together. Last year here at LC a new teacher took up my class and I kind of felt sorry for her. She had to teach MY AMAZING curriculum and I was sure she would and could not do a good job let alone better. Yesterday she gave me my curriculum back and she had. She took what I thought was great and truly improved on it and made it so much more organized and effective. SOOOOOOO humbling, I can be so driven to be the unique-est ( I know not a word) and want that niche that no one can have but God will and can and does use anyone who is willing...It is OK to be OK. Contrary to our culture, I don't have to be better then anyone. It frees me up to enjoy others successes and gifts rather then thinking everyone has to enjoy mine. Now I get to teach a curriculum enhanced and organized and so much better...for her I am so very grateful.

Insight...finally

We, us teachers, are preparing for school. Sometimes the preparation is helpful sometimes it is just..well, it is. The funny thing is that whether we are prepared or not everyone descends on school next week. Yesterday we had a full day of listening and learning about our strengths. it is a strange thing at my ripe old age of 45..well 45 soon...that things finally come together about why I am the way I am. It is revealing but at the same time a bit disconcerting. Needless to say my takeaway or my insight is this...

I am a thinker, I am an introvert, I connect the dots in a kind of global way, I am strategic and I love new and fresh ideas. The best place for me to be in outside the US. Weird how a total stranger could put these things together for me...not ever having a discussion with me or knowing my background. How this is helpful to me...I have to think about it :). I guess if anyone should be able to see how it would all connect, well that would be me.

It is nice to know..but like any tool or piece of information it is only good in how beneficial it is to the community. School starts this coming week. I am teaching some, writing much and wondering how it is all going to connect. I guess it is OK to be who I am...refreshing in the simplicity of it all. The Image of God sprinkled in a unique way in all of us.

Red shoes, failed farming and walking the dog

First of all...we had a beautiful patch of growing corn..strong tall stalks...HAD! A freak windstorm came and blew them all down . WHAT IS WITH THAT!!!! If it had been a larger patch it would have been a crop circle. They were so beautiful, I almost felt farmish. Not that I like corn, I was so impressed with our growing ability.

Mijo bought some red shoes for school...She said to me as I was looking at cute little whatever shoes that I know everyone would be wearing. " Mom, if everyone is wearing these I won't". I will be counter cultural..I so wonder where she gets that tendency? So she will be wearing red converse shoes to school..and every day when I see her in the halls...I will be so proud!

Mocha is not Winzig when it comes to going for a run. She walks close to Scott when we go out to the fields. Winzig would run like the wind and run as hard as she could. Mocha, stays as close as she can. We will see, she is still young.

What do all these random things have in common you may ask?

Nothing seems to be in my control, the growing corn, the wardrobe choices of my daughter and the dog...I can't for the life of me get the smallest detail to work out...Isn't it great! I need to be reminded every day that I am not, nor will ever be in control of anything except how I respond to life's medley of randomness. Letting go of the idea that control is even desirable...and embracing in full my control in response. I love what red shoes symbolizes, how I cannot even control my small patch of corn and that Mocha will do whatever she wants...Oh well! Isn't life funny that way...

Not too many years ago..

This is fair week here in Lynden..Big deal always for the town and it always falls on Mijo's birthday week. August is a full month for celebrations. On the 11th it is our anniversary, 15th Scott b-day, 16th Mijo's B-day and 25th it is Nicks. It is a very stressful time for me because unlike some in my family, I am not that good at getting things together.

We used to go to the fair for birthday bashes...everything was taken care of, hoopla and excitement as you can see in this picture. Yesterday, Nick and a friend went and did the fair all by themselves and Mijo will be with her friends today. I have no idea even if Scott and I need to go :).

Not too many years ago they were hanging on tight, there is a freedom in letting them go while they let us go.

In a minute...

Just heard that an AMA pilot died in a plane crash in Papua this past Friday. Dave Clapper was on a ten minute flight to bring some produce to another village and flew into a mountain. He leaves his wife and 5 children. He flew into the Mbua when we were there, he was so engaging friendly and helpful. He had such a heart for the Papuan people...This wasn't his plane, this is a MAF plane but the idea is the same. It is always in the back of your mind while you fly around in Papua with all the different agencies that fly... we depend and respect these men who put their lives on the line to transport everything back and forth.

In a minute, every thing changes...May the God of comfort do his good work here...we are so very sad for this family and for the extended family in Papau, I can feel the pain all the way here.

Holding...

We were landing in Bokondini and Nick slid his hands back so that I could re-assure him that the landing would be OK. I have a thing about hands and pictures of them. I could put them all on the blog and you would be looking at hands for awhile. We can do so much with our hands!

Lately my hands have been busy...driving Mijo and Nick here and there and there and back here again. Smacking the dog...again and again so she won't pee...she is frustrating. Making supper, lunch and coffee for breakfast, typing on the computer, watering the plants, hugging my parents who visited for a few minutes it seemed. My hands are involved in making another quilt using a pattern I gleaned from the PSAT test, wiping the dust off the tables and vacuuming the carpet. My hands have picked the new tomatoes from our plant and new blue berries from our blueberry bushes. My hands have held many many books as I seek insight into my MA project and insight into my life.

I also know that the hands of many of you are busy as well, working, waiting, wanting, worrying...holding. Keep holding on tight, I am...the landing will be fine.

He does

In the middle of all this fog sometimes I forget how grateful I am for Scott. I may have waxed eloquent about this man in times past but in this month of August we celebrate our anniversary and it will be our 6th. I wish I could say that all six years have been great but Scott is and I am, well...neither of us are easy going. Often when people meet me and do not know Scott assume that I am in charge, wearer of the pants..whatever that means. Then they meet Scott and wonder how the two of us don't tear each other apart. I am thankful that we are six years farther along in our relationship and that the stubbornness of that man has kept us glued tight. He loves Mijo and Nick, they are his own. He gets me and that is no small undertaking. He lets me be who I am and is not threatened by who I am nor the intensity of my personality. He is that noble man who drives me nuts and keeps me still. I have always been afraid of depending and needing, still am but so much less. So this day, I wanted you all to know that I am deeply grateful for this man who luvs me.