11 years ago

Curtiss Lee Buiskool....husband of 14 years , son, brother and father died 11 years ago today. This is some of what he wrote...A time to remember...

Don't let the past go; come to accept it with peace. If I run away from my past
I'll never stop running
There is no future dwellin on the past.

Without hope there is no future
Without the past there are no lessons learned
Withouth today there is neither

We build a future by living many today's
If you ask me for more than today you have me confused with God.

If we breath we're given today
Its sunset but a hope
Assuming tomorrow sunset, arrogance

Our days ahead unwritten, unpromised
Those behind with regrets, serenity covers

Getting a cold

On Friday in my ESL we were going around having to answer random questions on cards. This creates conversations which in the long run is exactly what is needed. These students spend most of their conversations times talking in their native languages rather then struggle through with English. Anyway, one of the questions was what diseases are you most afraid to contract. We all walked about cancer, Aids etc. and one of my students said...colds. I am most afraid of getting a cold.

This made me laugh...so I asked. Really, you are afraid of getting a cold? He answers..." I have 3 colds this semester, so I am afraid of cold ! Keeping it real...why not worry about what actually can happen rather then what may happen. Refreshing in the reality of it all.

I finally did go to the doctor for my well check up. It has been 3 years since my last and as worried as I was about what I may have...all that was of concern was my very low vitamin D count. I'm good to go otherwise. Anxious about everything ...thankful about nothing. I don't think that is how the verse goes...

So, here is to the common cold...a reminder that it isn't more and therefore we can be thankful.

Cell phones and Nick

My son has been asking for a cell phone for about...2 years now. He seems to think that having a cell phone will somehow make him taller, smarter, and better looking. We have said no ... for about 2 years but the time came Sunday on a shopping trip to Costco. He could have handled it so much better then he did but then he reminds me of me in my relationship to the Almighty.
So we go and get all the information about who, what and why and the gentlemen I think his name was Larry said we needed to go through the line to get our phones before he could sign us up. If you know Costco on Sunday you know it is a MAD house and the lines waiting for the tellers slink all the way back to never never land. I have a personal rule about being in a Que...I don't unless standing in line I will only have to do it once. Buying this phone...I would have to stand in line twice. Nick looked at me...realized what the firmness of my jaw meant. I was not going to stand in line unless we had a full cart and were going to do this only once. He said..."Come on Mom, it is no big deal, it's only 10 people!" I said we would go and talk to Larry but there was no way.....On the walk back to Larry, Nick got angry with me. He does not verbalize...he sets his face like stone and kicks things.
Ahh Nick...you had the chance to deal with disappointment better then that. You could have realized that getting a cell phone now is really about 5 months before you should. You could have seen that we wanted to do something nice and we would have made it work but not at this juncture and this particular day. Really, we want to do right by you but now you have changed what could have been a fun time together with a great new cell phone in the near future and responded with gratefulness rather then anger. It was just the timing of it all not the gift. Larry offered to get the phones so we did not have to stand in line twice and suddenly Nick was all good.
Now, I was mad....Nick, of course you have a good attitude, you get what you want NOW. I wanted you to be grateful you were getting a phone sooner then later for no reason except we wanted to do something nice for you. Next time maybe you can just trust me and be thankful...

Yes, Heidi...maybe you can...trust Me even when you think My timing is off with the good I want to give you...Stop kicking those goads.

Thursday Morning

I anticipated getting a lot done this Spring break and with Scotty's help...much has been accomplished. We painted...Scott being so much more meticulous then I. We were painting over what I had painted when I first bought the house. I was in a rush to get it all done so we could move in that I did not spend a lot of time doing the details..like taping etc. Once over was good enough and on we went. 9 years later Scott painted over my haste.

It took him a lot longer to get the painting done then if I was in charge of the project. He is so good about getting it done right. I am so good at getting it done fast...not so much right. I love his work but I get so frustrated with the timing.

Ahhh but isn't this how the Almighty does things? It always seems to take longer then it should, whatever it is we have asked God to intervene. I get so frustrated in the timing of it all, why do we always have to wait? I watched "The Passion of the Christ" this past Good Friday. It was excruciating to watch and if I never watch it again, that's good. What bothers me so about this medium of entertainment is that it is a virtual Jesus getting scourged, a pretend Satan, an acting Mary, a really good Pilot...see nothing is real. This is a real story though and yet there in 2 hours or so we are made to 'feel' something. In particular the sequence for the lashing was more then I could watch. I am squeamish about blood anyway... I never watch it on TV and I get sick to my stomach when I see it in real life. I kept saying...come on finish the lashing already !!! get on with the story, get on with something else...even in the condensed version of a movie, Jesus pain was too long. The more I read about the death and resurrection of Jesus, timing was everything but nothing was soon enough. The only thing that was surprising was that Jesus died much sooner then he was supposed too.

He does everything well...always on His own timetable. He fixes our hasty mistakes with painstaking strokes and creates something altogether new. Nothing sooner or later...always on time. These things are what swirl in my head this Thursday morning.

A good Friday

In my ESL this week I am showing the Jesus film. I was going to do it in English but realized that the reason I am showing this movie is that these students have an understanding to what all the hoopla is at this time of the year. If you have ever tried to tell the story of the death and Resurrection of Jesus to a person who has never heard the story before...it is a strange experience.
So who killed Jesus? Why, if he is good? Why is it a good Friday when it is a bad thing? Why did they let Barabbas go? He did not really die because he came back to life on Sunday, right?
I tell them that to understand this LC culture and from what foundation each teacher here at LC teaches, they need to understand how important the life and death and resurrection of Jesus Christ is. I keep telling them that this is what we believe...but it sounds so foolish.
The Jesus film allows the character to speak in many languages...Chinese being one of them. Wrap your mind around this ...A white man speaking in Chinese representing a Jewish man in Israel to Chinese students in the US about a faith that transcends each of these cultures. How do you begin to make sense of it all...So I pray that they fall in love with the man Jesus who will lead them back to God.
They look at me and I wonder if they have lost some respect for me. How could an educated woman believe in this complicated reality?
If you think Santa Clause muddies the water at Christmas...try putting the Easter bunny next to the Crucifixion. I hope to teach well, live better and love always.