Last year I also had resolutions but I don't remember where I listed them. When you set goals of any kind there should be a way to see if they have been accomplished. I can remember a few but maybe what I should do is write them in a public forum...like ...a blog, then maybe a year from now I can look back and see.
#1. Dance...I think this is important for many reasons. In my older age I am becoming way to serious and cynical...this may literally loosen me up.
#2. Simplify ... Throw away or give away something everyday and not garbage but items in this house that are not is use.
#3. Intentional...about relationships. Things don't just happen, most of the time relationships need a boost of intentionality.
This may be it for the resolutions...because another one of my new goals is not to make too many.
Happy 2012 folks...let's look for the new treasures or as a friend of mine said...get rid of the old to make room for the new.
Friday, December 30, 2011
Tuesday, December 27, 2011
Thursday, December 22, 2011
A Redeemed Holiday
Most everything we use to celebrate the Christmas holiday is taken from something inherently not holy. I have spoken a lot about how funny I think it is that Christians get so upset about the secularization of this holiday when from its conception it wasn't really ours to begin with. I am surprised those who are not Christians are not all up in arms about keeping Christ out of Christmas and putting this holiday back to what it was in the beginning. A mid-winter pagan holiday that celebrated the solstice.What I love is that we have taken what it was and redeemed it... restored a holiness to this holiday.
It really isn't Jesus' birthday, He really wasn't born on December 25th, the Christmas tree isn't sacred, the stockings and gifts are just that, Santa clause is a universally held fairy tale that helps the retail industry. We fight every year to take back from the overt commercialism to a sacred realism, a holy tug of war of sorts.
What is a wonderfully true lesson about this holiday is that redemption is possible for nearly anything that the 'pagan' world celebrates. We CAN take things back, every square inch, and claim it back from the enemy. We need to fight this more often instead of being content in our encampment.
We have taken this holiday...one for us...let's keep going! Next...Halloween, New Years, 4th of July, Memorial day...What would these holidays look like if we re-did , or redeemed them?
Merry Christmas all...May this time of year bring all the happy a good party brings, all the peace contentment offers, all the good will to men that truth engenders and all that victory produces when we have won one more year a Christmas celebration !
Wednesday, December 21, 2011
A clean rescue...
Luke 1:71 Deliverance from our enemies and every hateful hand;72 Mercy to our fathers, as he remembers to do what he said he'd do,73 What he swore to our father Abraham -74 a clean rescue from the enemy camp, So we can worship him without a care in the world,75 made holy before him as long as we live.
Most of us do not live under threat of an enemy in a literal sense. We may have people who do not like us or that we have offended in some way but not usually an enemy. The Jewish people...they have enemies. When Zacharia sings his praise he is expressing every Jewish hope to be free from their enemies, literally.
I love that picture of a clean rescue from the enemy camp...
We do have an enemy though and he is cunning, precise, malicious, thorough and full of cold rage. We are his targets and we always have been. When we talk about being saved...I don't know if we picture an enemy camp. Habits picked up as a prisoner are difficult to let go. Fear being foremost.
In our freedom we can worship without care in the world, made holy before him as long as we live. Fear lingers and maybe that is why throughout the Christmas story we keep hearing not to be. Fear not I bring you tidings of great joy...I realize angels can be scary, but Jesus also kept telling us not to be afraid. Fear is a habit we carry from the enemy camp...maybe because we remember the enemy.
Today I want to remember that it was a clean rescue...
Fear not, Heidi, I bring you tidings of GREAT joy...you are free.
Most of us do not live under threat of an enemy in a literal sense. We may have people who do not like us or that we have offended in some way but not usually an enemy. The Jewish people...they have enemies. When Zacharia sings his praise he is expressing every Jewish hope to be free from their enemies, literally.
I love that picture of a clean rescue from the enemy camp...
We do have an enemy though and he is cunning, precise, malicious, thorough and full of cold rage. We are his targets and we always have been. When we talk about being saved...I don't know if we picture an enemy camp. Habits picked up as a prisoner are difficult to let go. Fear being foremost.
In our freedom we can worship without care in the world, made holy before him as long as we live. Fear lingers and maybe that is why throughout the Christmas story we keep hearing not to be. Fear not I bring you tidings of great joy...I realize angels can be scary, but Jesus also kept telling us not to be afraid. Fear is a habit we carry from the enemy camp...maybe because we remember the enemy.
Today I want to remember that it was a clean rescue...
Fear not, Heidi, I bring you tidings of GREAT joy...you are free.
Monday, December 19, 2011
I see it all now...
38 And Mary said, Yes, I see it all now: I'm the Lord's maid, ready to serve. Let it be with me just as you say.
Perspective changes me. When I understand something, see it come together, hindsight...I am so much more ready to go ahead. When I see what He has done, I see that what He can do. Often we think faith has to do with leaping out into an unknown...No, it is often in context of perspective. Mary was told what had happened to Elizabeth so she was ready to trust. If God could be so tender with her old cousin and give her such a gift, this God would also be kind to her. Hard things to ask in the context of love. Both mothers would lose their miracle sons, whether Elizabeth was around, we do not know..but lose them they would.
Faith is walking forward on that path of peace , out of the shadows because we know Who we are following. He has been a good guide before, he will be again. To say like Mary, 'let it be with me as you say' takes a perspective on knowing the Who saying it.
I see it all now, I get it, I know who you are...I am ready to serve.
Perspective changes me. When I understand something, see it come together, hindsight...I am so much more ready to go ahead. When I see what He has done, I see that what He can do. Often we think faith has to do with leaping out into an unknown...No, it is often in context of perspective. Mary was told what had happened to Elizabeth so she was ready to trust. If God could be so tender with her old cousin and give her such a gift, this God would also be kind to her. Hard things to ask in the context of love. Both mothers would lose their miracle sons, whether Elizabeth was around, we do not know..but lose them they would.
Faith is walking forward on that path of peace , out of the shadows because we know Who we are following. He has been a good guide before, he will be again. To say like Mary, 'let it be with me as you say' takes a perspective on knowing the Who saying it.
I see it all now, I get it, I know who you are...I am ready to serve.
Thursday, December 15, 2011
Beautiful...
28 Upon entering, Gabriel greeted her: Good morning! You're beautiful with God's beauty, Beautiful inside and out! God be with you.
29 She was thoroughly shaken, wondering what was behind a greeting like that.30 But the angel assured her, "Mary, you have nothing to fear.
God has a surprise for you
I like it that Gabriel gave her a compliment first. I had meeting this morning with seniors for their presentation come May. I knew some would sleep in and I was right. One came in...bowing in a fake apology. Then as I was telling him he was late...he said ..."You are beautiful, Mrs. Price". Give a compliment true or not...somehow makes the message or the excuse better. That's what the student was hoping...maybe so was Gabriel.
You , Mary, have nothing to fear... God has a surprise for you! What followed was the biggest surprise EVER! What could she have known or understood? Common Jewish teenage girl we always say, maybe on the outside, but God knew something about her on the inside. Beautiful...he called her, inside and out. Was that enough? What difference was it that she was beautiful?
God's beauty... takes your breath away, God's beauty humbles you, God's beauty defines what is awesome. God loves beautiful ...it's His signature.
Be careful...He defines beauty, we don't. When we look out ..the mountains, sunrise, flower, ocean, stars, God's beauty is spectacular. When God calls you beautiful, that says something.
When we look inside; joy, kindness, peace, patience, goodness, humility, forgiveness, gentleness...
spectacular beauty!
Mary...she was something else in all her normal humanity.
So are we when we reflect God's signature.
29 She was thoroughly shaken, wondering what was behind a greeting like that.30 But the angel assured her, "Mary, you have nothing to fear.
God has a surprise for you
I like it that Gabriel gave her a compliment first. I had meeting this morning with seniors for their presentation come May. I knew some would sleep in and I was right. One came in...bowing in a fake apology. Then as I was telling him he was late...he said ..."You are beautiful, Mrs. Price". Give a compliment true or not...somehow makes the message or the excuse better. That's what the student was hoping...maybe so was Gabriel.
You , Mary, have nothing to fear... God has a surprise for you! What followed was the biggest surprise EVER! What could she have known or understood? Common Jewish teenage girl we always say, maybe on the outside, but God knew something about her on the inside. Beautiful...he called her, inside and out. Was that enough? What difference was it that she was beautiful?
God's beauty... takes your breath away, God's beauty humbles you, God's beauty defines what is awesome. God loves beautiful ...it's His signature.
Be careful...He defines beauty, we don't. When we look out ..the mountains, sunrise, flower, ocean, stars, God's beauty is spectacular. When God calls you beautiful, that says something.
When we look inside; joy, kindness, peace, patience, goodness, humility, forgiveness, gentleness...
spectacular beauty!
Mary...she was something else in all her normal humanity.
So are we when we reflect God's signature.
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
Always in shadows
Luke 1:78 Through the heartfelt mercies of our God, God's Sunrise will break in upon us,79 Shining on those in the darkness, those sitting in the shadow of death, Then showing us the way, one foot at a time, down the path of peace.
Death seems to shadow everything. Christmas can be a spotlight to those who are missing and pain laces each light on the Christmas tree. God' sunrise will break on us though, that is what Zachariah said when finally his tongue was loosened. Shining a light on those of us sitting in the shadows of death...showing us a way out, one foot at a time.
Poignant is what Christmas becomes and that is OK because it was that way the first Christmas. Shadows only mean that there is a bright enough light shining...and when we look through that Sunrise..or Son rise, death has to be in shadows. Poignant though is painful...and that is why some Christmas music is so haunting and candles and quiet lights so meaningful. We are left at those times alone with our own longings and our own sorrow. What I like is that the path is not away from pain but into peace. Again, like shadows can't be seen without light, peace is best understood or savored after pain or often right on the path of pain. Peace is not the absence of pain , but on the path through.
There is a caveat though...just like death can't be in shadows unless it is seen through the Sonrise, peace in pain is walking with Someone.
This Christmas, peace is Jesus... I was watching a pageant , one of many I am sure I will see...but what centers me every time in every song and dance is the story of Jesus. He is the peace I so desperately long for this season. I want Him to show me how to walk out on this path to peace: towards Him, with Him, because of Him...that's all.
Death seems to shadow everything. Christmas can be a spotlight to those who are missing and pain laces each light on the Christmas tree. God' sunrise will break on us though, that is what Zachariah said when finally his tongue was loosened. Shining a light on those of us sitting in the shadows of death...showing us a way out, one foot at a time.
Poignant is what Christmas becomes and that is OK because it was that way the first Christmas. Shadows only mean that there is a bright enough light shining...and when we look through that Sunrise..or Son rise, death has to be in shadows. Poignant though is painful...and that is why some Christmas music is so haunting and candles and quiet lights so meaningful. We are left at those times alone with our own longings and our own sorrow. What I like is that the path is not away from pain but into peace. Again, like shadows can't be seen without light, peace is best understood or savored after pain or often right on the path of pain. Peace is not the absence of pain , but on the path through.
There is a caveat though...just like death can't be in shadows unless it is seen through the Sonrise, peace in pain is walking with Someone.
This Christmas, peace is Jesus... I was watching a pageant , one of many I am sure I will see...but what centers me every time in every song and dance is the story of Jesus. He is the peace I so desperately long for this season. I want Him to show me how to walk out on this path to peace: towards Him, with Him, because of Him...that's all.
Saturday, December 10, 2011
Another Reason
This past Thursday I spoke in chapel. This is always a fun and terrifying time for me but if there is something I embrace with all of myself is the desire to tell a story in a way that encourages people to stop a moment, think awhile and nudge a soul towards things that are eternal.I spoke on Zachariah in the temple but when I studied this portion again something else struck me about Zachariah's response. Gabriel was telling Zach about the coming of the messiah but more then anything Gabriel was telling Zachariah that the prayer that Elizabeth and he had been praying for years and probably had stopped was being answered. Maybe the reason he did not believe was because his heart has been broken for so long. Disappointment with unanswered prayer makes the heart sick. Maybe the 'no' from Zachariah was his fear that hope would again disappoint especially for his Elizabeth who had carried this shame every day in every conversation in every family gathering.
Today...that prayer was to be answered.
One little boy taking away the shame of one mother and one father.
In a few months...one little boy would take away the shame of everyone.
Monday, December 5, 2011
Really? Seriously?
Zachariah said to the angel, "Do you expect me to believe this? I'm an old man and my wife is an old woman."
But the angel said, "I am Gabriel, the sentinel of God, sent especially to bring you this glad news.20 But because you won't believe me, you'll be unable to say a word until the day of your son's birth. Every word I've spoken to you will come true on time-God's time."
Incredulous is the word to describe Zachariah...so not like the response that Mary had a few months later when Gabriel came with good news of another baby coming. Mary had questions about the obvious....how, I haven't been with a man..etc. But Z man...."Really, you expect me to believe this?" I get this quite often when I am trying to explain something about the Bible to our Bible illiterate International students. With respect, they get that look on their face, kind of smirking, "really...you expect me to believe this?" I know, when you step back from the story and begin to hear it for the first time, it sounds a bit out there. I don't know about you but when I hear the story through the ears of non-believer, it sounds a bit out there as well.
I love Gabriel's anger and frustration in response but at the same time I wonder what I have lost when I have responded in unbelief? What silence I have had to endure in relationships because I did not believe that forgiving was the only way? What separation because I did not believe that letting something go was the best way? How many morning lay silent as I pounded heavens door because I would not believe?
I am so Zachariah !
I want to be more Mary.
But the angel said, "I am Gabriel, the sentinel of God, sent especially to bring you this glad news.20 But because you won't believe me, you'll be unable to say a word until the day of your son's birth. Every word I've spoken to you will come true on time-God's time."
Incredulous is the word to describe Zachariah...so not like the response that Mary had a few months later when Gabriel came with good news of another baby coming. Mary had questions about the obvious....how, I haven't been with a man..etc. But Z man...."Really, you expect me to believe this?" I get this quite often when I am trying to explain something about the Bible to our Bible illiterate International students. With respect, they get that look on their face, kind of smirking, "really...you expect me to believe this?" I know, when you step back from the story and begin to hear it for the first time, it sounds a bit out there. I don't know about you but when I hear the story through the ears of non-believer, it sounds a bit out there as well.
I love Gabriel's anger and frustration in response but at the same time I wonder what I have lost when I have responded in unbelief? What silence I have had to endure in relationships because I did not believe that forgiving was the only way? What separation because I did not believe that letting something go was the best way? How many morning lay silent as I pounded heavens door because I would not believe?
I am so Zachariah !
I want to be more Mary.
Saturday, December 3, 2011
Christmas parenting
Luke 1:15 He'll achieve great stature with God.16 He will turn many sons and daughters of Israel back to their God.17 He will herald God's arrival in the style and strength of Elijah, soften the hearts of parents to children, and kindle devout understanding among hardened skeptics-he'll get the people ready for God.
Interesting that part of the message of John the wild one :) is that his message will soften the hearts of the parents to children. Eugene Peterson, who paraphrased this, lost a bit though...everyone else says, turn the heart of the fathers back to their children. I am a pro co-parent advocate ie: I believe that Mom's and Dad's mission in life is to parent in tandem. One is not more important than the other, nor is one more valuable...both are needed to balance the picture of God's image. BUT is does seem that fathers have to work harder to engage in the heart part of raising children. I think it is part our culture, but the scripture seems to hint that it is a fundamental problem. Fathers can loose the softness required to parent well.
Jesus was never a father and throughout his whole life here on earth, Joseph is not a part of the picture. I don't remember any pointed sermons at or for fathers but I do remember that children loved being with Jesus. As far as we know, John wasn't a father either nor does it seem that his parents were around long after he was born. Neither of these men had long term earthly father or were fathers in the natural sense. Yes...Jesus had his Father in Heaven, I realize this but I am talking about his time here on earth. So what did these men know about fathering?
It seems that the gospel is supposed to make men better fathers not just having a good father. What is supposed to happen is that this gospel, good news, is supposed to soften the hearts of men to their children. NOT make them more rigid, distant, per-occupied, absent, ultra-disciplined, angry...But more kind, present, engaged, grace-filled and gentle. The strength of a man and the kindness of the gospel...a heart softened to his kids. Unfortunately, some men believe that this is the job of the mothers...the soft part of parenting. This is not feminine, this is humanity bathed in the grace of the gospel. We both raise, love, discipline and nurture within the gifts we both have to raise our kids.
Christmas and parenting...who would have thought !
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
The Altar of Longing...
Luke 1:8 Unannounced, an angel of God appeared just to the right of the altar of incense.
Zachariah was paralyzed in fear.
To the right of the altar of incense where day and night the Priests made sure an aroma was set before God...the prayers of his people.
“May my prayer be set before you like incense; may the lifting up of my hands be like the evening sacrifice.” (Psalm 141:2)
“Another angel, who had a golden censer, came and stood at the altar. He was given much incense to offer, with the prayers of all the saints, on the golden altar before the throne. The smoke of the incense, together with the prayers of the saints, went up before God from the angel’s hand.” (Revelations 8:3-4)
If we can think that nothing is by accident in this story of Jesus...there is something significant about that angel, maybe the same angel in the book of Revelation standing right next to the altar of prayers in the temple that morning. I read somewhere else that this work of the priest was the most beloved of all the tasks to do...to keep the incense of prayer burning. That pleasing aroma before the throne...the prayers of the saints.
I can picture bowls of our prayers scattered in the throne room of the Almighty. As we pray we add together an accumilation of sweeter and stronger aroma. Can you imagine the bowl with the prayers of the saints that had been praying for the Messiah? How large that bowl, how sweet that smell before the throne? And Today....Gabriel came to stand beside the very representative on earth...that bowl of longing prayer...Today he was bringing the Greatest answer to prayer EVER!
I can imagine Gabriel...bouncing with anticipation....cannot wait to tell...smiling and grinning...maybe a bit like how we feel when the gift we wrapped, that one gift we know is going to make our kid beam and bounce and burst with excitement. The anticiaption we feel knowing how much joy this one gift will bring...
"IT is STARTING...Zachariah...The MESSIAH IS COMING... Your son ,John, will be the VOICE....it starts TODAY...Yes, you will have a son in your old age...you and your wife Elizabeth...your miracle starts it all....YAHOO !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Zachariah was paralyzed in fear.
To the right of the altar of incense where day and night the Priests made sure an aroma was set before God...the prayers of his people.
“May my prayer be set before you like incense; may the lifting up of my hands be like the evening sacrifice.” (Psalm 141:2)
“Another angel, who had a golden censer, came and stood at the altar. He was given much incense to offer, with the prayers of all the saints, on the golden altar before the throne. The smoke of the incense, together with the prayers of the saints, went up before God from the angel’s hand.” (Revelations 8:3-4)
If we can think that nothing is by accident in this story of Jesus...there is something significant about that angel, maybe the same angel in the book of Revelation standing right next to the altar of prayers in the temple that morning. I read somewhere else that this work of the priest was the most beloved of all the tasks to do...to keep the incense of prayer burning. That pleasing aroma before the throne...the prayers of the saints.
I can picture bowls of our prayers scattered in the throne room of the Almighty. As we pray we add together an accumilation of sweeter and stronger aroma. Can you imagine the bowl with the prayers of the saints that had been praying for the Messiah? How large that bowl, how sweet that smell before the throne? And Today....Gabriel came to stand beside the very representative on earth...that bowl of longing prayer...Today he was bringing the Greatest answer to prayer EVER!
I can imagine Gabriel...bouncing with anticipation....cannot wait to tell...smiling and grinning...maybe a bit like how we feel when the gift we wrapped, that one gift we know is going to make our kid beam and bounce and burst with excitement. The anticiaption we feel knowing how much joy this one gift will bring...
"IT is STARTING...Zachariah...The MESSIAH IS COMING... Your son ,John, will be the VOICE....it starts TODAY...Yes, you will have a son in your old age...you and your wife Elizabeth...your miracle starts it all....YAHOO !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
Coming Soon.....
I will begin posting on Christmas as soon as I can catch my breath...I have many ideas of what I want to write, just need to find a few minutes....Thank you for waiting.
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
the Strength of Thanksgiving
The joy of the Lord is my strength...how does this really work itself out in reality? I have been needing strength lately, not so much for the physical kind but for the wisdom , perspective kind. This new job I have jumped into has so many layers of interaction that at the end of the day I go home wondering if I have done all that I could.
I do love Thanksgiving for its odd but meaningful celebration. A very neutral holiday that everyone understands...on all levels of income, faith and cultural experience we understand that being thankful is an essential aspect of being happy. Can't be happy without being grateful...it is really as easy as that. So in our pursuit of happiness in this amalgam of a country, thanksgiving is the most appropriate place to start. Maybe the strength of our country lies in this particular holiday more than any other.
Personally then it follows that if I need strength it comes from joy which comes from gratefulness it all begins with thankfulness. In the middle of it all...I begin with the simplest of prayers...
Thank you.
The simplicity of that prayer explodes out....and keeps going. Amazing that all the strength I need starts here...
Thank you...thank you...thank you...thank you for, in, because...
I do love Thanksgiving for its odd but meaningful celebration. A very neutral holiday that everyone understands...on all levels of income, faith and cultural experience we understand that being thankful is an essential aspect of being happy. Can't be happy without being grateful...it is really as easy as that. So in our pursuit of happiness in this amalgam of a country, thanksgiving is the most appropriate place to start. Maybe the strength of our country lies in this particular holiday more than any other.
Personally then it follows that if I need strength it comes from joy which comes from gratefulness it all begins with thankfulness. In the middle of it all...I begin with the simplest of prayers...
Thank you.
The simplicity of that prayer explodes out....and keeps going. Amazing that all the strength I need starts here...
Thank you...thank you...thank you...thank you for, in, because...
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
Broken ignoble vessels
This has been a week of broken hearts here in the hallways of LC. It is amazing to me how much pain is carried in our broken vessels and how in all of it we still...we still function on some level. Most of us are clay pots of ignoble purposes when we dream to be those of noble purposes. Maybe not so noble, we just want to be treated that way.
Ignoble : baseborn, common, humble, inferior, low, lowborn, lower-class, low-life, lowly, lumpen, mean, plebeian, prole, proletarian, unwashed, vulgar is Miriam defined.
In a large house there are articles not only of gold and silver, but also of wood and clay; some are for noble purposes and some for ignoble. 1 Tim. 2:20
Does not the potter have the right to make out of the same lump of clay some pottery for noble purposes and some for common use? Rom. 9:21
This goes against all that we aspire to in our western, we are the best, number 1, better than, society we swim in every day. We don't want to be normal, ordinary, second place, humble, common or inferior. We really believe when we read these verses that we are the gold and silver, never the wood and clay. We are the ones for noble purposes not ignoble...that would just be unfair. Our American culture oozes and perpetuates the idea that we are all above normal, amazingly unique and special. We deserve to have the best because we really are the best. Everyone else can have less...are less.
Something is wrong...because in reality aren't most of us common? We are not so good being ordinary, that one for the common use. It is also hard for us to admit that we may not be the one for noble purposes. As I write this is seems to be go against the grain of thinking how wonderful I am :), I deserve much more ...blah blah blah.
Coming into Christmas...it strikes me how in the story of Jesus ,the ignoble and noble dance so well together. The gold serving the clay, the silver hanging with the wood...always in the same story line. What we are and what we do is just clay and wood. When we are giving our clay and wood to His use...it becomes silver and gold. Ordinary and normal works perfectly in service to Glory.
Ignoble : baseborn, common, humble, inferior, low, lowborn, lower-class, low-life, lowly, lumpen, mean, plebeian, prole, proletarian, unwashed, vulgar is Miriam defined.
In a large house there are articles not only of gold and silver, but also of wood and clay; some are for noble purposes and some for ignoble. 1 Tim. 2:20
Does not the potter have the right to make out of the same lump of clay some pottery for noble purposes and some for common use? Rom. 9:21
This goes against all that we aspire to in our western, we are the best, number 1, better than, society we swim in every day. We don't want to be normal, ordinary, second place, humble, common or inferior. We really believe when we read these verses that we are the gold and silver, never the wood and clay. We are the ones for noble purposes not ignoble...that would just be unfair. Our American culture oozes and perpetuates the idea that we are all above normal, amazingly unique and special. We deserve to have the best because we really are the best. Everyone else can have less...are less.
Something is wrong...because in reality aren't most of us common? We are not so good being ordinary, that one for the common use. It is also hard for us to admit that we may not be the one for noble purposes. As I write this is seems to be go against the grain of thinking how wonderful I am :), I deserve much more ...blah blah blah.
Coming into Christmas...it strikes me how in the story of Jesus ,the ignoble and noble dance so well together. The gold serving the clay, the silver hanging with the wood...always in the same story line. What we are and what we do is just clay and wood. When we are giving our clay and wood to His use...it becomes silver and gold. Ordinary and normal works perfectly in service to Glory.
Tuesday, November 8, 2011
Today
Andy is taking a test in my office because he could not finish during class.I have to translate idioms that are common to us but not to them. What is a fingerprint he asks...why is that important?
I just ran down Jack so he could go with Anne for doctors appointment, while I was doing that I needed to know if Adam was staying after school to take his test or if he was even ready.
Haley just came but somehow missed her 6th period class and went to her 7th period class but she has been moving around so much she forgot we had seven periods rather then six, which was her last school.
In class before that I was making sure that the 5th paper I was reading for English class had enough corrections to help but not to many to discourage.
At lunch, Akino said it was an emergency. Not so much, but she wanted to make sure she did not get someone in trouble.
Before that I needed to get a hold of Scott to see if he could do the color guard for tomorrows chapel.
During 5th I could not finish the planned lecture because we got caught up talking about the norms in our LC community.
During 4th I was reading the 3rd and 4rth paper on October Sky and wondering if we will ever get these International students to write.
I had just came back from taking a student to the Doctor. She had needed to go for awhile but today they had an opening when I called at 9: 20 for 9:40. We scrambled to get her there and back...
Haley came for the first time this morning...she needed her schedule and her books and an introduction to the school.
I needed to read my test essays and put them in the grade book first thing in the morning so I came early.
At 6:45 this morning I was cutting up onions, celery and potatoes to put a stew in my crock up.
5:30 is early to wake up but it seemed I was gearing up already for the day ahead.
I'm a bit tired...it's all good.
I just ran down Jack so he could go with Anne for doctors appointment, while I was doing that I needed to know if Adam was staying after school to take his test or if he was even ready.
Haley just came but somehow missed her 6th period class and went to her 7th period class but she has been moving around so much she forgot we had seven periods rather then six, which was her last school.
In class before that I was making sure that the 5th paper I was reading for English class had enough corrections to help but not to many to discourage.
At lunch, Akino said it was an emergency. Not so much, but she wanted to make sure she did not get someone in trouble.
Before that I needed to get a hold of Scott to see if he could do the color guard for tomorrows chapel.
During 5th I could not finish the planned lecture because we got caught up talking about the norms in our LC community.
During 4th I was reading the 3rd and 4rth paper on October Sky and wondering if we will ever get these International students to write.
I had just came back from taking a student to the Doctor. She had needed to go for awhile but today they had an opening when I called at 9: 20 for 9:40. We scrambled to get her there and back...
Haley came for the first time this morning...she needed her schedule and her books and an introduction to the school.
I needed to read my test essays and put them in the grade book first thing in the morning so I came early.
At 6:45 this morning I was cutting up onions, celery and potatoes to put a stew in my crock up.
5:30 is early to wake up but it seemed I was gearing up already for the day ahead.
I'm a bit tired...it's all good.
Thursday, November 3, 2011
Isla Mijo vanderBijl....
Have no idea why they are all upside down but I am so wishing wishing wishing I was there to hold this dear in my arms.
Isla with a long I no s and la...So beautiful, and wonderful.
Congratulations Paul and Lenae, well done !!!!
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
11-1-11 chaotic order
The symmetry of the number 1 will make a wonderful 11th month in the 11 year. The number 1 brings with it clean lines and simple ideas. What is not to like about this number ?
Yesterday evening we had our last JV game and the score was 55 to 19...we are not number 1.
Mijo is trying out for the musical, the lead she is wanting...number 1 star.
The first thing is always the most important...the ubiquitous keeping my family as #1. Or my favorite impossibility, keeping God #1 in my life. I love it when a young teenage couple make their relationship honorable by saying .." God is #1 in our relationship". So I ask.."so, what does making God #1 look like?" umm...we talk about God and pray...
We are always wanting to make our chaos orderly as if putting a number 1 by something will automatically make it most important. Of course my family is #1...Ok, what does that mean? Am I going to divide my day and make sure the majority of my time is spent with my family? That would be a really bad indicator as I spend most of my day at work. Well, then work is #1...well no, because I would drop work at any time to help my family. So time isn't a good indicator of priority. So is money? I guess it would be our home, food , gas and mortgage...That would be #1 in my life but it isn't.
If God is #1...what does that look like? How do I make Him #1? If I pray first thing in the morning does that mean He is #1? What if I pray at mid-morning break a good 5 hours after I wake up?
Nothing is that simple...nothing. We order our time, our projects, our priorities...that is just wanting clean lines, order in our chaos. We need to do lists so we can feel good about our accomplishment...
What I need isn't to make God #1...it is to make it that I am not.
Yesterday evening we had our last JV game and the score was 55 to 19...we are not number 1.
Mijo is trying out for the musical, the lead she is wanting...number 1 star.
The first thing is always the most important...the ubiquitous keeping my family as #1. Or my favorite impossibility, keeping God #1 in my life. I love it when a young teenage couple make their relationship honorable by saying .." God is #1 in our relationship". So I ask.."so, what does making God #1 look like?" umm...we talk about God and pray...
We are always wanting to make our chaos orderly as if putting a number 1 by something will automatically make it most important. Of course my family is #1...Ok, what does that mean? Am I going to divide my day and make sure the majority of my time is spent with my family? That would be a really bad indicator as I spend most of my day at work. Well, then work is #1...well no, because I would drop work at any time to help my family. So time isn't a good indicator of priority. So is money? I guess it would be our home, food , gas and mortgage...That would be #1 in my life but it isn't.
If God is #1...what does that look like? How do I make Him #1? If I pray first thing in the morning does that mean He is #1? What if I pray at mid-morning break a good 5 hours after I wake up?
Nothing is that simple...nothing. We order our time, our projects, our priorities...that is just wanting clean lines, order in our chaos. We need to do lists so we can feel good about our accomplishment...
What I need isn't to make God #1...it is to make it that I am not.
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
Bigger on the inside
An undisciplined, self-willed life is puny; an obedient, God-willed life is spacious. (Proverbs 15:32 MSG
When we came home on furlough, inevitable we would watch some science fiction on TV. Watching TV was such a treat since we never watched TV in Papua growing up. My mother was a huge science fiction fan and it was then in the 1970's she introduced me to Dr. Who. A strange and funny science fiction series about time travel and and the Tardis. On the outside this space machine looked like a old fashion phone box but when you went inside it kept on expanding to a much larger dimension. This same series has been reborn and I have introduced it to my daughter who in turn is a much more avid fan then either mom or I ever was. It is really a lot of fun to watch and the Tardis continues to impress by being bigger on the inside while it takes its tenants on the rides of their lives. I have lost some of the metaphor in the explanation but the idea remains the same.
A disciplined life as much as it seems to limit freedom in reality defines freedom. A self-willed life is puny while a God-willed life is spacious. It is much bigger on the inside of the walls of discipline. Someone asked me what my favorite word was...I am not one to have favorites in anything but I really like the word 'no'. When I say no to one thing, I am saying yes to much much more. When I limit my intake of food, I expand my ability to perform. When I limit my activities, I open up the ability to do a few things well. When I say no to lethargy, I open up creativity. When I say no to cynicism, I allow providence to run free throughout my day. When I tell the international students to speak English and NOT to speak their first language, it takes discipline and it is limiting, but it also allows them to expand their horizons here in the US.So free yourself by limiting yourself...Spacious living is disciplined living.
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
Reality Bites
She is tiny, this new Chinese girl sitting across from my desk. So very cute and precise and full of enthusiasm in her broken but articulate English. I watched her, she wasn't going to let me talk. She spoke about wanting to be a writer and how long she has had that dream. She wants to go to a famous college to become educated in the humanities (her words). She kept telling me how hard it was to dream this in China, where everyone wanted to know how she could make any money being a writer or even a poet. See, she also writes traditional Chinese poetry but she knows as beautiful as her poems are...they won't make any money. The reason she is here in the States is that her parents were so concerned as to how tired she was becoming after that impossible dream of perfection that seems to plague each teenage student. They wanted her to come here where the pressure isn't so intense, the ability to dream is part of our educational process and she can work to make her treasured dream come true. I watched and listened and marveled at all that potential in that tiny little person. I love working with Asians but for the life of me, there isn't a day where I don't feel 10 feet tall and just as wide. Her eyes sparkled and danced...really, and I told her we wanted her dreams to come true as well.
Maybe that's what we should also be as teachers...dream encourage-rs and holders. I really want to be a fan...I also want to be able to bring in reality when their dreams do not match their ability. Reality can bite...and maybe in the here and now we can nibble a bit so when the bite comes it isn't that painful. Nibble though, not eat wholesale. Who knows....they could go and just make it happen.
Maybe that's what we should also be as teachers...dream encourage-rs and holders. I really want to be a fan...I also want to be able to bring in reality when their dreams do not match their ability. Reality can bite...and maybe in the here and now we can nibble a bit so when the bite comes it isn't that painful. Nibble though, not eat wholesale. Who knows....they could go and just make it happen.
Saturday, October 15, 2011
A humanist....
I posted a magazine article last time and that is the first for me. I usually opine on magazine articles or other things that I have read...this time though I could not quite wrap any words beyond the ones that were written. It has struck me lately the plight of women and children in the world. The smallness of my fight here in the US to be heard in certain circles pales in light of what women endure to survive in so many many parts of the world. Some would say that the nature of this paternalism beast began when Eve ate and Adam waited. Maybe..Is it because Adam came first so therefore he wins? How has this helped the human race...this idea that being a man is better then being a woman? In China and India, as the magazine article stated, little baby girls are thrown away in favor of the boy. In the Muslim, Mormon, Catholic, some protestant, Buddhist, Jewish...OK all faiths: being a woman means that you serve the needs of the man, protect the needs of the man, cannot lead or teach men, it is a curse to be a woman, cannot get to heaven unless you are attached to a man, need to be covered because of men, have to be hidden because of the weakness of men, return as a woman if you have failed to be a man. Do I really need to go on?
I hear this idea of 'better than you' in church pulpits, in staff lounge conversations and boys bantering and insulting each other. I see it in men's groups who have to learn how to be 'the husband' and in pornography's power. I see it in every ha-jib and fistula's surgery.
When a woman becomes equal in her creation and honored in the Image that God has imprinted of himself in her...then we become more like we were created to be. It isn't ever about women's power or liberation, it is about our own humanity.
If I had a soap box, this may be it...and the irony is...the more often I speak about empowering women to join humanity the more I become labeled a feminist. I am not a feminist...I am a humanist.I like that as humans we come in different shapes and genders.
We are both equally created to be equally honored, to equally steward creation, to equally raise the next group of equally wonderful, created, image of God, human beings.
I hear this idea of 'better than you' in church pulpits, in staff lounge conversations and boys bantering and insulting each other. I see it in men's groups who have to learn how to be 'the husband' and in pornography's power. I see it in every ha-jib and fistula's surgery.
When a woman becomes equal in her creation and honored in the Image that God has imprinted of himself in her...then we become more like we were created to be. It isn't ever about women's power or liberation, it is about our own humanity.
If I had a soap box, this may be it...and the irony is...the more often I speak about empowering women to join humanity the more I become labeled a feminist. I am not a feminist...I am a humanist.I like that as humans we come in different shapes and genders.
We are both equally created to be equally honored, to equally steward creation, to equally raise the next group of equally wonderful, created, image of God, human beings.
Friday, October 14, 2011
We are vanishing: the audacity of paternalism
village of eternal bachelors
By Vivek Prakash
With the world’s population set to hit 7 billion on October 31, photographers in India have been on the move to tell stories that talk about what those numbers really mean in a country as large as India – with 1.2 billion people and counting, this is supposed to be the world’s largest democracy.
When you take a closer look at the statistics, you find some surprising and scary figures – the ratio of female children to males born actually declined here over the last 10 years – from 933 females for every thousand males in the 2001 census, to just 914 in 2011. The combination of cheap portable ultrasound technology and a decades-old preference for male babies — who are seen as breadwinners — has enabled sex-selective abortions and made worse female infanticide. In a place as wide and as vast as India, these are things that are hard to control, no matter how illegal.
We had been trying to find ways to illustrate this for some time without much success – getting access to tell this story had been taking some time. Late last month, a story about a small village in Gujarat was brought to my attention.
Journalists from the Thomson Reuters Foundation had visited Siyani, a small rural town of just 8,000 people (tiny by Indian standards) – where the social effect of such a low ratio of women meant that men were having a tough time finding brides. I set out to remote Gujarat to try and interpret this story with my camera.
A village elder told me that he estimated some 70% of the men there were unmarried. There were a variety of historical causes – lack of industrialization, an unwillingness to marry outside caste and regional lines – and most recently, a rapidly declining supply of brides. There are over 350 unmarried men over 35 – this a remarkable figure for rural India, where people marry very young – some as early as 15. There are hundreds more under 35, but there are so many that no one can confirm the numbers.
I spoke to many people in the town – both those born and brought up there, and others who had settled there for work over the decades – and found a similar story among many men – “I just can’t get married.”
This was a tough nut to crack – how do I take these anecdotes and make them into meaningful visual statements? I spent a lot of time thinking about what the significant pictures would be. A man alone didn’t tell the story. To really tell it, I had to find a group of men who lived together, worked together, and ate together – and did all the things that women traditionally do in Indian households.
I found a group of about three dozen men working on a temple in the village. All but three were not married. I photographed them sharing their work and lives. Doing the daily chores – cooking, cleaning. The lack of enough women to marry, for them, has forced them into a situation where they live communally and have to share in the daily tasks.
I photographed them sharing mattress in their downtime, sleeping in the way you’d expect newlywed couples to sleep. The lack of a female presence in their lives has made them turn to each other – into a sort of extended brotherhood – to look after each other.
I needed to find a picture that would illustrate the dusty village and also tell the story of the large number of unmarried men there. This was going to be difficult – organizing anything in India takes a lot of effort, and almost never goes to plan. If it’s bad in the cities, it’s almost impossible in a little rural village.
I hatched a plot with my translator and driver. We would enlist a couple of village elders to spread the word that at a certain time, when the light was good, that unmarried men who were willing should gather in the village’s center for a group picture. I tried and failed on my first day. On the second morning, no one bothered to show up – everyone ate breakfast and went straight to work in the fields and at the temples. Fair enough, I was an interruption there.
On the third day, we modified our plan to see if we could make it happen. About a half hour before the appointed time – 6.15pm with the golden light and deep blue sky – we sent a teenager on a bicycle off around the village, to round up any unmarried men that had nothing better to do. I was surprised that this actually worked, and I suddenly had in a clearing in the village, about 40 men in front of me. We were going to make a picture that I thought was central to the whole story.
Sometimes, when I’m shooting a tough-to-illustrate story in remote places, the humanity, humor and absurdity of this job really hit me. There I was in a village clearing in remote Gujarat, not able to speak a word of Gujarati – speaking in Hindi to an interpreter who would shout it out to everyone else.
By this time many other people in the village knew what was going on. I was standing on a ladder to do this picture – something I’d checked in and brought with me on the flight all the way from Mumbai to make this picture possible. Behind me, was a group of gawking men who were having a good laugh at the whole spectacle.
I finished the shoot and headed over to the local chai stall. I felt like the whole village was following me. I spent the next couple of hours entertaining a lot of questions and comments about the story I was doing. I was overwhelmed by the number of men who said they wanted to be married but just couldn’t be – some had been trying for as long as 20 years, since they were 15 years old.
I’m having a laugh at the experience of trying to tell this story, but spare a thought for what happens to India if we continue to let our female children die, or be killed at such an alarming rate. Spare a thought for places like Siyani, where people just can’t get married – Siyani isn’t special, it’s an indicator of a much wider problem. Spare a thought for places in India where there are as few as 775 girls born for every 1,000 boys. Spare a thought for the men who will never have families, and spare a moment to think of all the mothers that will never be born. Little Siyanis are popping up all over India – what becomes of our next generation, and how will it impact the world’s largest democracy?
Saturday, October 8, 2011
French Flowers
Camille, Yves, Marie-Michelle, Marie-Josephe, Marie-Therese...this week the last of my mothers family passed away. Marie-Therese or as we called Aunt Tuntune. All these names could very well be names of flowers as they roll off your tongue. My Grandmother, Camille, outlived 4 of her 5 children and now I can imagine the reunion in heaven as she is finally surrounded with all her girls for the first time ever. She lost my mom's twin, Camille when she was only five. Then her son Yves when he was only 27, then her daughter Marie-Michelle when she was only in her 40's, my mother when she was in her 50's. She died a few years ago and the last Marie-Therese died now in her 70's. I would love to see their faces as they look at each other in company. This family was never together, never hardly on the same continent and all but my grandmother died of something other then old age. I have cousins I have not seen in 35 years, and some I have no idea where they live or what they would even look like. We continue the legacy of distance but may God spare us the legacy of early death. Rest in Peace Aunt Tutune...enjoy the reunion !
Tuesday, October 4, 2011
Have Mercy, Oh God...Have mercy
After my accident with the horse I have lived a reality filled life of knowing how things can change significantly while doing things rather mundane. I rode a horse, I was laid up for a summer. David, my brother, is cutting down a tree and next moment he is suffering trauma from being hit my a spring loaded limb. Just like that everything changes and after that moment you realize how fragile we are. Our bodies break so easily and suddenly plans and expectations are thrown out the window while we wait for bodies to heal. What if's plague and gratefulness floods as we see what could have but didn't. I love that verse in the Psalms when David asks God to remember that we are but dust. Our little dust bodies full of everything and so quickly overwhelmed.
I am praying always these days for God to have Mercy...bring healing, bring rest, bring hope...please remember, Oh mighty Creator of this magnificent body that we are but dust and in need, desperate need of your healing put back together touch.
It is easy to live on edge, so scared of what may happen in the mundane. The routine exam that finds something. The car ride home from work. The simple hike in the woods...fraught with so much danger...I fight this every day and sometime I succumb and sit quietly in my house not wanting to do anything or go anywhere because it may just happen. To trust God for safety isn't an option because it isn't a promise. To trust God is hard in these things...because we have been taught erroniaously that if we pray hard enough we are protected from that arrow by day. It isn't true but we are not alone and that is a promise. All things work together...how it works and how it is good is the mystery of faith and the promise of God.
I am praying always these days for God to have Mercy...bring healing, bring rest, bring hope...please remember, Oh mighty Creator of this magnificent body that we are but dust and in need, desperate need of your healing put back together touch.
It is easy to live on edge, so scared of what may happen in the mundane. The routine exam that finds something. The car ride home from work. The simple hike in the woods...fraught with so much danger...I fight this every day and sometime I succumb and sit quietly in my house not wanting to do anything or go anywhere because it may just happen. To trust God for safety isn't an option because it isn't a promise. To trust God is hard in these things...because we have been taught erroniaously that if we pray hard enough we are protected from that arrow by day. It isn't true but we are not alone and that is a promise. All things work together...how it works and how it is good is the mystery of faith and the promise of God.
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
Oh for the life of me....
Why is it that we in our Christian Circles make some occupations more holy then others ? WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY...do we make it seem that those who are in full time Christian work are somehow following Jesus closer. THIS IS NOT TRUE>>>THIS IS NOT THE CASE>>>WE ARE ALL FOLLOWING JESUS WHEREVER WE ARE>>>>WHEREVER WE ARE>>>>so please missionaries and pastors and full time christian workers...we make it happen so that you can do what you love...please don't make us then feel that what you do is that much better, holier or closer to following Jesus. JUST STOP IT !
I'm done now...thank you for your kind attention.
I'm done now...thank you for your kind attention.
Sunday, September 25, 2011
The death of another good man...
Death makes no sense to any of our senses. The most significant arrow to an eternal life is that our minds can't fathom otherwise. I remember thinking after Curtiss died how could it be that he no longer breathed air or took up space in this world. How could it be that one day he is living and breathing and taking up his corner of space and in a moment he isn't. How could a being of so much worth no longer be worth the skin that covered him. This is why heaven has to be real, it makes our living significant. Otherwise every death of every good man, woman, child would be fatal to us who continue to breath. There would be no point...
Paul, a pilot in Papua, died this week in a plane crash. He loved and was loved well. If there was no eternal continuation of who we are here...this would be one more death to all of us who live, and slowly but most certainly we would all live less well.
Paul, a pilot in Papua, died this week in a plane crash. He loved and was loved well. If there was no eternal continuation of who we are here...this would be one more death to all of us who live, and slowly but most certainly we would all live less well.
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
glimpses of glory
My son plays football for the JV team here at LC. It has been painful to watch these past few games because the score has been so very lopsided and not in our favor. I talk big when it comes to winning and loosing but in reality, I really hate to loose at anything. So we are at another game...and the score is 29 to 7. I am cringing in my seat at every play, praying hoping and praying again. I have no idea if other mothers were praying in the stands that night but I was so wanting some good news to come from the field of play. So instead of burying my head in my hands I starting really looking at the game and there in the setting sun I began to see glimpses of glory and hope. A good run, a fantastic pass that was caught, a good tackle...here and there sprinkled in the midst were these moments of pure joy. We did not win the game but really I was so impressed with their fight that in the end it really did not matter, really.You know where this is going...don't quit fighting that good fight even though at times it really seems that the odds are stacked against. Look for them...those glimpses of glory and unlike this football game, the battle is already won.
Thursday, September 15, 2011
Just a few
There are a few minutes from the end of this class to the start of the next. I am bone tired and I wish I had something to show for the flurry of activity. I could not sleep last night or maybe I did sleep but it was so interrupted that it seemed like I didn't. Mijo was up and out early and then there was this and then that and then some more of this. I will not complain, for I truly am grateful for the opportunity I am just plain ole tired. If I keep things in order at school then everything seems to fall apart at home.
I just need a few minutes to get it all in order...home, school and personal. Just a few...
I just need a few minutes to get it all in order...home, school and personal. Just a few...
Saturday, September 10, 2011
me and my garden
There are some things I wish I would do well all the time. It is the echo of my mother's talent that motivates me every year to plant a garden and to walk in the garden in the cool of the day. There are very few memories as clear as my mother and her gardens. She was amazingly good. So is my Dad and Elfrieda...they are amazingly good at not only preparing the soil, planting but harvesting as well. You would think that harvesting would be a given with gardening, that is the whole reason why you garden in the first place...well, you would think so except in my case. To the left is a beautiful picture of a artichoke which was grown in my garden but as you can see, it was not harvested. It has quite a beautiful crown of purple which I did not even know artichokes grew...but needless to say I think you are supposed to pick it before this happens.
This year I have so many tomatoes coming that I am sure we could participate in a tomato throwing contest and I still would have left overs for BLT's for the rest of the year. I have tomatoes growing where I did not even plant. The mystery of their growing in the other garden still makes me pause. I also grew HUGE sunflower in the same garden that I also did not plant. This gardening thing is becoming a bit of a conundrum.
The sad thing is that I start off with such good intentions. I was going to water...this I did not do too well last year. Our weather took care of most of that this year, though I think I could have helped more. Harvest...that was a fail...but the weeding that wasn't too bad.
Dad and Elfrieda tell me every time I talk to them and I have seen with my very own eyes...they could feed their whole neighborhood with the veges from their garden. I can have a tomato fight...that's about it. Sad...BUT maybe next year...hope springs eternal.
Saturday, September 3, 2011
Not so much a hurricane...
Someone gave me such a wonderful compliment yesterday...she said as I was explaining the hub bub of the week," well, you looked very calm". YES YES YES...I want to look calm and that I know exactly what I am doing even if the opposite is true. Saturday morning and all is well...most students have the schedule they want. My Psychology class is off to a great start and ESL will gather momentum . No major problems with any host families or students AND the directorship of the International program is quite confusing but I see the loose ends tying themselves soon enough. I really enjoy being active but this week was just a bit much...but it won't be that forever and I knew that it was going to be just as it was.
Finding joy in the middle of it all was very easy and each of the students at times unaware to each other gave me pieces of pure delight....it is all good. I miss my husband, his company and steady hand would have lightened the load on the home front but the kids stepped up as much as their schedules allowed. The dogs are a bit confused why we aren't home anymore...oh well. There is only so much attention we can spread around.
Coming soon to my 48th birthday...wow, that is realllllly close to 50...I have to work a bit , no a lot harder at keeping healthy and there is a grief at the endless fight for everything that wants to sag, bulge, wrinkle, get grey, tighten, loosen and generally not be what it was. I don't think it's that I want to be young I really just want it all to work as it did. :)
We will all begin to settle into a football, drama, school routine and we will be swept into the stream of schedules, days and small square calendars telling us what to do and when. It is still all good !
Finding joy in the middle of it all was very easy and each of the students at times unaware to each other gave me pieces of pure delight....it is all good. I miss my husband, his company and steady hand would have lightened the load on the home front but the kids stepped up as much as their schedules allowed. The dogs are a bit confused why we aren't home anymore...oh well. There is only so much attention we can spread around.
Coming soon to my 48th birthday...wow, that is realllllly close to 50...I have to work a bit , no a lot harder at keeping healthy and there is a grief at the endless fight for everything that wants to sag, bulge, wrinkle, get grey, tighten, loosen and generally not be what it was. I don't think it's that I want to be young I really just want it all to work as it did. :)
We will all begin to settle into a football, drama, school routine and we will be swept into the stream of schedules, days and small square calendars telling us what to do and when. It is still all good !
Friday, August 26, 2011
Just like that....Irene comes rolling in...
Intentions are wonderful because they are usually made with no opposition. At New Years we make resolutions to eat less with full belly's and at the start of the new school year, intentions to be positive and joyful are made when summer still has a residual hold. We really haven't even started school , just meetings, and I am already frustrated and disappointed and that chossing joy I was talking about...right out the proverbial window. Just like that...I haven't given up ...just realized that it will be much harder then I polly-anna thought.
The thing is if you are positive you get taken advantage of. If you have a BA kind of attitude you get what you want. What is the balance of standing up for yourself and still be good company?
Good intentions are just that...great ideas in good weather making plans for how to behave in bad. What I need to do, now the storm is rolling in, is figure out a way to stay the course. Irene has got nothing on school politics!
The thing is if you are positive you get taken advantage of. If you have a BA kind of attitude you get what you want. What is the balance of standing up for yourself and still be good company?
Good intentions are just that...great ideas in good weather making plans for how to behave in bad. What I need to do, now the storm is rolling in, is figure out a way to stay the course. Irene has got nothing on school politics!
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
Choosing
"As sick as it sounds, cancer has significantly improved my life in many ways." This is a young man with brain cancer and not a very good prognosis. Read his blog...it's on my list, the one called It's OK ...
To be honest I really don't want to be that thankful. Having seen the ravages of cancer on so many lives I wonder what my attitude would be...
It is about attitude though...and though this man has struggled as any one should he has chosen a perspective that is not of this world. Should I not do the same in the circumstance I am living? I am healthy, my children are healthy, my husband is healthy...even our dogs are healthy. We have enough to pay the bills. We have people who love us. We have a roof over our heads jam packed with too much stuff. We have cars to drive, school to attend, clothes to wear, places we can go and church. We have a country we can complain about and not get imprisoned. We have so many choices in our stores that I can't go shopping for too long before I am overwhelmed. This is just scratching the surface...I haven't even started with my history and legacy or even begun to broach salvation and a divine relationship...
It is easy to complain. It is easy to be negative...it seems the default setting in most of our conversations. At the start of this year I am a bit overwhelmed with all the new responsibilities of my job...but I am grateful for the opportunity. I miss my husband as he works in Montana..but I am grateful he has work. I want to choose a different default setting...it isn't cool or edgy but it is refreshing. Each day...This day...I will ...I choose...to rejoice.
Thank you Phil for the reminder and the example.
To be honest I really don't want to be that thankful. Having seen the ravages of cancer on so many lives I wonder what my attitude would be...
It is about attitude though...and though this man has struggled as any one should he has chosen a perspective that is not of this world. Should I not do the same in the circumstance I am living? I am healthy, my children are healthy, my husband is healthy...even our dogs are healthy. We have enough to pay the bills. We have people who love us. We have a roof over our heads jam packed with too much stuff. We have cars to drive, school to attend, clothes to wear, places we can go and church. We have a country we can complain about and not get imprisoned. We have so many choices in our stores that I can't go shopping for too long before I am overwhelmed. This is just scratching the surface...I haven't even started with my history and legacy or even begun to broach salvation and a divine relationship...
It is easy to complain. It is easy to be negative...it seems the default setting in most of our conversations. At the start of this year I am a bit overwhelmed with all the new responsibilities of my job...but I am grateful for the opportunity. I miss my husband as he works in Montana..but I am grateful he has work. I want to choose a different default setting...it isn't cool or edgy but it is refreshing. Each day...This day...I will ...I choose...to rejoice.
Thank you Phil for the reminder and the example.
Thursday, August 18, 2011
If cats can change...
You may not have known but we also have a cat. She was given to us right after Curtiss d
ied and she has endured a lot in her nine lives. We have moved. She has endured a near fatal attack from a dog. She lived in a barn the year we were in Papua. She has had to welcome stray cats who have attacked her and for the last 8 years...dogs. She has stayed in the basement since we moved here and has stayed as far away from the hub bub of upstairs. About 6 months ago everything changed, she started coming upstairs and sitting on the fringe.
Then she started sleeping on our table...high enough away from the dogs. Then she walked right in the living room and took over the couch which has always been Mocha's territory. Chino has a little bit of a crush on this cat but she keeps him at a distance, though I have seen him come pretty darn close. He thinks w
hen she hisses she is just inviting him to play.
This cat is on the old side of life...what made her suddenly decide that life was worth the effort to face her fears and dive right into company? She makes me smile every day because we find in her in the oddest places all over the upstairs. It is as if she is making up for all the previous years of hiding. This can't be normal cat behavior to change so drastically but what a metaphor for me.
Love enough to be unafraid...to speak the truth and be unafraid, to grow old unafraid, to let these children go unafraid. Love casts out fear.
I don't think our cat loves anything...but she is now unafraid and is living much more free. If she can...I can.
Saturday, August 13, 2011
Looking down or Looking ahead
I try and wand walk the dogs every day through some farm land and inevitable I find myself doing this...looking at my
feet while I am walking. I literally tell myself to look up.
Do we live a day at at time or do we live with the future in mind?
Thy Word is lamp unto my feet...
Give us This day our daily bread...
This is the day that the Lord has made...
Do not be anxious about tomorrow...
Looking ahead gives us the impression that we are in control. Planning ahead frames what we should do today or how we should feel today. My daughter is entering her last year of high school and I can't help but try and prepare for the inevitable absence. But the more I do that, the more emotional pain I begin to experience today when she is very much present.
Having been raised going to boarding school, starting in first grade, so much of my formative years were divided into good times to relish, absences to endure but each time tinged with the next. So Summer breaks were GREAT because we were home but they were gong to end too soon and school marked with such loneliness and longing was just around the corner. Parents coming to visit while in school was so much to look forward too but as soon as they came the counting of the days till they left ensued. Every time was marked with the days ahead and that marking was emotional. In the tropics we didn't have seasons to mark the time but the calendar was marked with parents and times without. So much of my life if the times are good I'm worrying about how it is going to end, awful way to live BTW.
So...back to my walk and looking at my feet. I do most of my praying when I am walking the dogs and because I am thinking and listening, I am unaware of what I am looking at. It is only when I stop and pause that I realize I have been looking at my feet. This is it...though... God gives us daily what we need. We want to be able to have what we need for what lies ahead...BUT He doesn't work like that. IT is as if He wants us to take in the day, THAT day, THAT particular specific day and trust Him in THAT day for all that we may need. Enjoy THAT day for what it is.
I can live a day at a time to enjoy OR to endure. My inclination isn't daily as if I can prepare for what lies ahead. I have no idea what lies ahead.
Looking at my feet , while I am praying is exactly how I should live. This Day...This very, never to be repeated, day is the day the Lord has made.
Thursday, August 11, 2011
The orange background and the start of the Hoopla's
I really do like orange but this background is a bit much but in lieu of all the celebrations in the month of August it seemed appropriate. Today is the beginning and it all starts with our anniversary. 9 years for my Scotty and me, only 9. It really seems longer maybe because we have packed so much into them.
First year...I lost my job as Assistant Principal, very difficult.
Second year...major trials and arguments between the both of us to begin with but much more significantly, Scott's wonderful mother passed.
Third year...Scotty works away for most the year in Tacoma
Anyway...not really knowing what has transpired in each year, needless to say...Scotty has lost both his parents, I have lost jobs, we went overseas, we had major injuries and medical bills, we have argued and fought and argued again trying to figure out how to live with each other { we were old when we married each other :) } Scott has worked away 3 out of the 9 years and every year has had significant absence except for he year we were in Papua. I also finished my MA in the middle of it all and changed job titles every year.
We have packed a lot in nine years and we have come through better, leaner, kinder, and more in love then when we began.
I love being loved by this man...He holds me in and lets me go. I am so so grateful.
First year...I lost my job as Assistant Principal, very difficult.
Second year...major trials and arguments between the both of us to begin with but much more significantly, Scott's wonderful mother passed.
Third year...Scotty works away for most the year in Tacoma
Anyway...not really knowing what has transpired in each year, needless to say...Scotty has lost both his parents, I have lost jobs, we went overseas, we had major injuries and medical bills, we have argued and fought and argued again trying to figure out how to live with each other { we were old when we married each other :) } Scott has worked away 3 out of the 9 years and every year has had significant absence except for he year we were in Papua. I also finished my MA in the middle of it all and changed job titles every year.
We have packed a lot in nine years and we have come through better, leaner, kinder, and more in love then when we began.
I love being loved by this man...He holds me in and lets me go. I am so so grateful.
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
Safe Place
I was talking to a friend the other day and she told me about a church in Oregon that described itself as a safe place to struggle. If there isn't a better definition of what a church is supposed to be then I don't know what is. If you have followed my blog for any length of time you know I have had a struggle with church. Not the body of Christ church but the local American church we all attend. Instead of struggling with church, church is/supposed to be that safe place to struggle.
Think about everything we struggle with ...marriages, parenting, finances, sexuality, singleness, significance...wouldn't it be great if we had a place where we go with all our struggles.
A Pastor in a large city told me that what he listens to in his daily counseling by far is sexual sins... that seething underside of every person's outside calm demeanor.
Church...a safe place to struggle. How that looks in the every day functioning of the church...I guess it is the face we portray. How clean do we come, or how clean do we become.
Think about everything we struggle with ...marriages, parenting, finances, sexuality, singleness, significance...wouldn't it be great if we had a place where we go with all our struggles.
A Pastor in a large city told me that what he listens to in his daily counseling by far is sexual sins... that seething underside of every person's outside calm demeanor.
Church...a safe place to struggle. How that looks in the every day functioning of the church...I guess it is the face we portray. How clean do we come, or how clean do we become.
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
15 year old boys
15 year old boys trying so hard to be 18, at least.
So full of anger and bravado , shaking their collective fists at all those ahead who just won't listen.
Riding bikes with contempt, it isn't the wheels they want to ride. So close to freedom but months divide the coveted vehicle.
Screaming for respect with every awkward argument.
15 year old boys,all potential.
So full of anger and bravado , shaking their collective fists at all those ahead who just won't listen.
Riding bikes with contempt, it isn't the wheels they want to ride. So close to freedom but months divide the coveted vehicle.
Screaming for respect with every awkward argument.
15 year old boys,all potential.
Sunday, August 7, 2011
Hope you all are still here ....
It is already August 7th and it has been a while since I have posted. I am in full swing summer mode where I have mastered the art of puttering a day away without a moment of guilt. Morning and evening have moved into each other seamlessly not broken up with lists and events and places to be. It is quite lovely with warm weather to accompany these wonderful days of summer.
I am also looking forward to Fall and my students and the new school year...and Winter with its cold rainy days and warm fires and holidays and the business of a schedule. There is season for everything under the sun and I will no longer wish one over the other but dive in the joy of each one.
I am also looking forward to Fall and my students and the new school year...and Winter with its cold rainy days and warm fires and holidays and the business of a schedule. There is season for everything under the sun and I will no longer wish one over the other but dive in the joy of each one.
Thursday, July 21, 2011
updates...
The road ahead...
When we went on our road trip I was mesmerized with the scene pictured. Maybe because I was raised with mountains that surround there is something wonderful about wide open spaces. I am still surrounded by mountains but they are more suffocating to me then protective. I can tell when I drive up to Mt. Baker there is a point on that highway where I literally start feeling closed in, the mountains rise up and seem so foreboding. So when I see wide open spaces I physically relax...begin to breath more deeply. Maybe that is why I like the ocean rather then the woods, the prairies rather then the Rockies. That really isn't an update but a tidbit of information. :)
Scotty is progressing rather well. He is so motivated to get better. Remember when I was trying to heal quickly...well his motivation is far beyond what I could have and did muster. I knew he was like that but it is pretty amazing to watch as he pushes ever so gently on his his newly mended ligaments. One thing about Scott that is so admirable and frustrating is his discipline. I get mad at him for wanting to go and work out simply because it makes me feel so amazingly undisciplined. While I loath the workout he embraces it.
On another update note...I am now the new International Program Director for Lynden Christian High School. Having been the International Host family Coordinator...that's a mouthful...I have been promoted to this position. Robb, the outgoing Director has left such a great program I am hoping to keep building on his foundation. This will entail more work on what I am already doing but I am ready to be busier. Scott may be gone in September so all of everything may fall pretty heavily right off the bat...but preparation has begun.
On a side...Mijo and Nick are both working really hard in the raspberries and cherry's respectively. Mijo went to work at 5 last evening and came home at 3:30AM. Nick has been getting up at 3:45 AM and literally running till he gets off at 2-3PM. He has been in Eastern WA and comes home this Saturday. They are busy, Scott and I not so much right now. Kind of a strange reversal in roles. As everyone struggles so with the heat...we may not get out of the 60's today. Another normal abnormal summer.
Monday, July 11, 2011
Blooming flowers !
I think it's the color that attracts me much like the bee. The shape of the petals, the scent...maybe it's everything about the flower. You know that verse that tells us to consider the lily of the field..clothed in splendor...how much more does He care. Mijo asked me the other day what pieces of wisdom would I have wanted to know at her age. That girl knows how to warm my heart :). Of course I had a plethora of things to say but one thing came out of my mouth that surprised me. I said the older I get the harder it is to believe that God loves us. Maybe age brings with it an awareness of how ugly we are as a human race but maybe not even that far out..how ugly I am as a human being and why would God expend any of His extravagant energy on loving any of us.
Then I look at flowers...their extravagant beauty in shape, size and color and all for just a moment. I know the biology of colors and bees etc. but God certainly did not have to make it all work out that way. Not only the flowers we painstakingly grow but the wild meadows of bursting joy for no one but the Creator to enjoy tucked away in the mountain valleys expresses His love in the minutia. If He so meticulously shaped these flowers with the rainbow of colors and shapes and smells...why is it so hard for me to wrap my mind around the idea that He finds joy in the beauty He has made in each of us. Granted we do much more then sit around and be beautiful...but maybe God enjoys us as we enjoy His creation in spite of our thorns. I know He hates what makes us ugly but then we do as well...who enjoys ugly?
So summer is a garden of beauty and I will take time to contemplate those flowers in the field, in my garden, in my pictures.
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
Bringing fourth the 4th
These children of ours:
So we went to the fourth of July celebrations ... the last time I had done this with the kids Nick was sitting in my lap, plugging his ears because of the noise and we were all not having a wonderful time. At that time, both children did not like LOUD noises...which we could only find out when LOUD noises were present. Needless to say, 10 years latter it went much more smoothly. Scott had to stay home because dogs don't seem to out grow their fear.
I love fireworks...they are just pure joy and celebration. We got to the park 4 hours ahead of time because I was afraid we would not get good seats. We were there WAY to early, BUT because were there early, I got to dance, watch people and goof off with my lovely children. I like belonging to this country. I became a citizen about 11 years ago after being a resident alien ( love that description...was hard to let go) since 1976. Being born in Papua to a Dutch father and French mother, my cultural identity has always been in flux. USA is a great country to take all those loose ends of cultural identity and help weave together a place to belong. There are not that many countries in the world that you can belong no matter your genesis.
This is a great country....I love that I belong.
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
Wednesday wonders
I am ready for another road trip...maybe just to get away again from the routine of not exactly knowing that the future holds. On road trips life seems suspended and time bounces from empty gas tank to the next. Here things are so uncertain, what exactly is Scott going to be doing next year, what exactly will be my responsibilities, what should we be doing now and what should we let go. Every summer between school years things change in my job. Often times I am picking up a new class or changing my responsibility...this year is no different. What is different is that Scott is home every day and his work future is uncertain.
What I do know is how much fun it was to be in Chicago and to be with family and to laugh and talk about issues important but then not so important. As we were leaving my little niece made me a necklace. As she put the beads on the string she solemnly said..."I make these necklaces for those that I love". It hangs in my car because every day I want to remember that a little 5 year old loves me. What was also fun was that my oldest niece and my youngest niece are there together in the same town...well, for a few months anyway. My sister-in-law is having another baby girl. My oldest niece and I are very similar and watching her become who she wants to be in this grand old town is such an inspiration. She laughs easy and articulates so well...such good company.
Then there is my brother and the twins and my sister-in-law and a lovely house and Chicago and walking and talking and eating good food and enjoying great thunderstorms. It was a great time...I have no idea why we have not done that sooner.
Home again home again jiggety jig...June gloom is holding on with a tight watery grip but will let go as soon as July comes around. Summer transitions...have begun.
What I do know is how much fun it was to be in Chicago and to be with family and to laugh and talk about issues important but then not so important. As we were leaving my little niece made me a necklace. As she put the beads on the string she solemnly said..."I make these necklaces for those that I love". It hangs in my car because every day I want to remember that a little 5 year old loves me. What was also fun was that my oldest niece and my youngest niece are there together in the same town...well, for a few months anyway. My sister-in-law is having another baby girl. My oldest niece and I are very similar and watching her become who she wants to be in this grand old town is such an inspiration. She laughs easy and articulates so well...such good company.
Then there is my brother and the twins and my sister-in-law and a lovely house and Chicago and walking and talking and eating good food and enjoying great thunderstorms. It was a great time...I have no idea why we have not done that sooner.
Home again home again jiggety jig...June gloom is holding on with a tight watery grip but will let go as soon as July comes around. Summer transitions...have begun.
Monday, June 27, 2011
Road Trip Adventures
Scott and I decided on a whim to go on an adventure, a 4000 mile road trip to Chicago and back. So we did and we had such a good time. The verdant green valleys and prairies accompanied us across Washington, Idaho, Montana, North Dakota, Minnesota, Wisconsin and Illinois. It was green, wet and beautiful and oh so mesmerizing mile after green mile. Scott did all the driving and I was amazed at his endurance for driving. We listened to stories on CD stopped only when we were tired and that was usually 11 or midnight. Our longest stretch of driving may have been the 1000 miles in one day...but I really have not thought about those details. On the way back we stopped at Mt. Rushmore and Crazy Horse but other then that we drove onward and back.
We needed to think some things through like what are we gong to do about Scott's inability to work for the next 5 months. What should I do with new opportunities at school, how to we help Mijo prepare for the next phase of her life, how do we keep in contact with our families and to reconnect with being a couple. I wish I could say we had these long discussions about all of these and really came back with a plan of action.
We did not...but we did come back very grateful for our families and the opportunities we have to make choices that glorify God. Scott and I still really like each other and when we have the opportunity outside of every day pressures we have a lot of fun. I learned how much I miss having my family closer and how much I wish I could be a close by Aunt rather then that far away Aunt that comes now and then. I was very proud of the kids who did living on their own pretty well.
Nothing profound...but delightful. Maybe now we can figure out the next steps ahead.
More stories ahead of our time in the great green miles.
We needed to think some things through like what are we gong to do about Scott's inability to work for the next 5 months. What should I do with new opportunities at school, how to we help Mijo prepare for the next phase of her life, how do we keep in contact with our families and to reconnect with being a couple. I wish I could say we had these long discussions about all of these and really came back with a plan of action.
We did not...but we did come back very grateful for our families and the opportunities we have to make choices that glorify God. Scott and I still really like each other and when we have the opportunity outside of every day pressures we have a lot of fun. I learned how much I miss having my family closer and how much I wish I could be a close by Aunt rather then that far away Aunt that comes now and then. I was very proud of the kids who did living on their own pretty well.
Nothing profound...but delightful. Maybe now we can figure out the next steps ahead.
More stories ahead of our time in the great green miles.
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
10:20 AM...what 's on your mind
Face book always ask us whats on our mind and for the life of me every time I wonder what I should write down from the many many things that flit across the screen of my mind.
I have been at school all week trying to organize my thoughts only to realize as I go through the past school year what I should have, could have, wish I had done many things differently. What students I should have paid more attention to, what lesson I should have lingered on, what students I should have kicked out of class. What behavior I overlooked and what I should have done different. Teaching is hard work. I know I failed in so many ways in the things that are important and may have succeeded well in the things that will be forgotten.
I look out at my empty room and remember all the students flitting in and out like the thoughts on my mind. Today I was reminded that what I thought was a minor confrontation with a student has grown to a major incident in their mind. I can't go back and undo nor can I even explain enough to assuage their anger, all I can do is remember enough not to do that again.
I care what students think of me, I want them to know that I respect that they are teenagers and have valid opinions ...but when it is all done, they are fickle and I can't have what they think be the mirror I believe.
I need summers for more then just a break from the routine. I need summers to evaluate what it is that I do...and remember that it is just a part of who I am.
This would be really long status update !
I have been at school all week trying to organize my thoughts only to realize as I go through the past school year what I should have, could have, wish I had done many things differently. What students I should have paid more attention to, what lesson I should have lingered on, what students I should have kicked out of class. What behavior I overlooked and what I should have done different. Teaching is hard work. I know I failed in so many ways in the things that are important and may have succeeded well in the things that will be forgotten.
I look out at my empty room and remember all the students flitting in and out like the thoughts on my mind. Today I was reminded that what I thought was a minor confrontation with a student has grown to a major incident in their mind. I can't go back and undo nor can I even explain enough to assuage their anger, all I can do is remember enough not to do that again.
I care what students think of me, I want them to know that I respect that they are teenagers and have valid opinions ...but when it is all done, they are fickle and I can't have what they think be the mirror I believe.
I need summers for more then just a break from the routine. I need summers to evaluate what it is that I do...and remember that it is just a part of who I am.
This would be really long status update !
Saturday, June 11, 2011
SUMMMER !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Those of us who mark each year with scholastic transitions know how it feels to move from the school year to summer. If the weather does not cooperate it does not matter...Summer marks a time for change, rest, relaxation and rejuvenation. I have a lot to get done...BUT even though that is the case it is now on my time rather then the bell schedule of LC. It takes about a week to unwind the year so in that time I hope to do my biggest job of the summer and organize my classes and refresh my curriculum. I want to take a road trip to Chicago as well as up to Saskatoon...I want to learn something new...do a garden well...get a yoga routine down...spend time with friends...go through every room in this house and throw away until it is painful. That's just the start..it is a lot like a new years resolution but with less pressure. So on this first day of the summer break....this is what I desire to accomplish.
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
What is included...
As I was driving back from the hospital yesterday, having dropped Scott off for surgery, I was wondering a bit about that verse ..God works all things together for good...
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28
Is Scott's surgery, work situation, family dynamics, etc. are these part of the all things? Are things just bad luck...or significant happenings? Is everything that happens a part of something or just something? Is it just some families get better breaks then others for a reason...they are somehow luckier? If God works for the good of all who love Him...then when the bad happens lets say an injury or a loss of a job can we infer that the bad that keeps happening is necessary for a reason so that good can come from it...IE: Stubborn people need harder lessons to learn better things? Is everything that happens significant or can it be just living and getting a bad break. I was thinking about my horse accident...anyone could have been thrown but it was me. Did I somehow need those lessons I learned or did the accident happen and I learned those lessons. When bad/difficult things keep happening is it because we are not learning the lessons we are supposed to have been learning...or is it just bad luck.
And we know that in all things God works...does He then make the all things happen?
I have no idea if I am making sense no matter how many times I reread what I wrote...I am hoping in it all you know what I am trying to say or ask or wonder about. :)
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28
Is Scott's surgery, work situation, family dynamics, etc. are these part of the all things? Are things just bad luck...or significant happenings? Is everything that happens a part of something or just something? Is it just some families get better breaks then others for a reason...they are somehow luckier? If God works for the good of all who love Him...then when the bad happens lets say an injury or a loss of a job can we infer that the bad that keeps happening is necessary for a reason so that good can come from it...IE: Stubborn people need harder lessons to learn better things? Is everything that happens significant or can it be just living and getting a bad break. I was thinking about my horse accident...anyone could have been thrown but it was me. Did I somehow need those lessons I learned or did the accident happen and I learned those lessons. When bad/difficult things keep happening is it because we are not learning the lessons we are supposed to have been learning...or is it just bad luck.
And we know that in all things God works...does He then make the all things happen?
I have no idea if I am making sense no matter how many times I reread what I wrote...I am hoping in it all you know what I am trying to say or ask or wonder about. :)
Thursday, June 2, 2011
Walking in the desert...
"It's always something" is a common refrain in our home. If it isn't the dog suffering from an unknown ailment, or seventeen steps to get one thing done, it's Scott rupturing his bicep. If we need to fix one thing we find that there are 20 other things that we need to fix. It is the every day hassles every day that wear me down...It is always something that diminishes my joy, my hope, perseverance and perspective. Not knowing where Scott is going to work and now that he is dealing with this injury if he can work...ARGH...argh...argh....
It is always surprising how I deal with these 'somethings'. I get mad, frustrated, depressed, and anxious. As if somehow I should be exempted from these experiences. The sermon on Sunday reminded me that like Abraham when choosing which land to live on gave the first choice to Lot..who chose the lush and easy. Abraham took the wilderness. Maybe when all is said and done the perspective needs to be wilderness walking rather then lush living. Since the world we live in is broken and breaking why wouldn't it be hard? As I look up from the myopia of my life and turn on the TV I am literraly inundated with BIG SOMTHINGS. Not only flooding but MASSIVE flooding, not only tornadoes but KILLER tornadoes and on and on it goes every single day. It is as if we are all walking into a different kind of time and different kind of "SOMETHING".
Where do I go with this wilderness walking where nothing is safe, comfortable or predictable. I keep thinking the oasis is the norm...rather then the exception. The illusion of control is my illusive addiction.
My name is Heidi and I am in denial...
It is always surprising how I deal with these 'somethings'. I get mad, frustrated, depressed, and anxious. As if somehow I should be exempted from these experiences. The sermon on Sunday reminded me that like Abraham when choosing which land to live on gave the first choice to Lot..who chose the lush and easy. Abraham took the wilderness. Maybe when all is said and done the perspective needs to be wilderness walking rather then lush living. Since the world we live in is broken and breaking why wouldn't it be hard? As I look up from the myopia of my life and turn on the TV I am literraly inundated with BIG SOMTHINGS. Not only flooding but MASSIVE flooding, not only tornadoes but KILLER tornadoes and on and on it goes every single day. It is as if we are all walking into a different kind of time and different kind of "SOMETHING".
Where do I go with this wilderness walking where nothing is safe, comfortable or predictable. I keep thinking the oasis is the norm...rather then the exception. The illusion of control is my illusive addiction.
My name is Heidi and I am in denial...
- I admit I am powerless over this addiction -
- Step 2 - Came to believe that God could restore me to sanity
- Step 3 - Made a decision to turn my will and my life over to the care of God.
- Step 4 - Made a searching and fearless moral inventory and found myself wanting
- Step 5 - Admitted to God, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs
- Step 6 - I am entirely ready to have God remove this defect of my character
- Step 7 - Humbly asked God to remove my shortcomings
- Step 8 - Made a list of all that I think I can control and laugh at my arrogance.
- Step 9 - Live in the moments of oasis and Shalom not as a right, but a gift.
- Step 10 - Continued to take personal inventory and when I am in denial promptly admit it
- Step 11 - Sought through prayer and meditation to improve my contact with God , praying only for knowledge of God's will for me and the power to carry that out
- Step 12 - Having had a spiritual awakening and knowing I cannot control anything...trust in the One who goes before, and who I follow.
Monday, May 30, 2011
Letting sleeping dogs ...sleep
Best of buddies after all. Mocha is suffering some ailment at the moment and Chino needs to play ... he misses his play buddy so Nick will have to do. It has been really good to have both of these dogs here in our home. They keep each other company when we have to be gone. Mocha who is our Eeyore and Chino who is our Tigger....now you understand the dynamic at play. It's all good!
Friday, May 27, 2011
Growing an Avacado plant
When I first met Scott, in his apartment he had this gorgeous avocado plant that he had started from a seed. We moved this wonderful plant into our home after we married and I promptly killed it. If you know me I usually do really well with houseplants. Most thrive and green up my house quite well, but this beautiful plant I killed, just like that. Every since then I have diligently tried to start another avocado plant from every avocado we have eaten...there have been many. For the life of me I can't get one to go. My last attempt was the best...I got it to throw some roots down but unbeknownst to me I planted it too soon and cut it back to vigorously. It now sits pitifully outside in the rain. I keep thinking that it will decide to start growing if I am not peering at it so longingly.
Yesterday I decided to look on-line to see what I have been doing wrong. Goodness, if Scott can grow a beautiful plant from a seed why can't I. Well, it seems if I had looked it up on-line sooner, I would have realized that I have been trying to grow this seed...upside down. I always have problems with seeds that have a fat end and a skinny end. Something inside of me always puts the bulb down the opposite way it should. So there on my kitchen window sill starts another seed...so much hope in this one. Maybe THIS one, maybe this one will finally replace the plant I so lovingly killed and Scott will forgive my plant offense.
Sometimes it makes a difference when you look for advice when what you have been doing over and over continues to bring about the same bad result. I think that is what insanity is...
So from this insane grower some advice... get some advice when what you have kept doing isn't working.
Yesterday I decided to look on-line to see what I have been doing wrong. Goodness, if Scott can grow a beautiful plant from a seed why can't I. Well, it seems if I had looked it up on-line sooner, I would have realized that I have been trying to grow this seed...upside down. I always have problems with seeds that have a fat end and a skinny end. Something inside of me always puts the bulb down the opposite way it should. So there on my kitchen window sill starts another seed...so much hope in this one. Maybe THIS one, maybe this one will finally replace the plant I so lovingly killed and Scott will forgive my plant offense.
Sometimes it makes a difference when you look for advice when what you have been doing over and over continues to bring about the same bad result. I think that is what insanity is...
So from this insane grower some advice... get some advice when what you have kept doing isn't working.
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