All that lay before..

At the end of March my Mom and Dad would have been married 53 years. They are so amazingly beautiful in this picture..so prepared for the whatever was before. My Mom a little French woman..Marie-Josephe and my Dad, tall blond Dutch man, Adriaan, she peering so confidently out to the camera...how little did she know what lay before. Her history so marred with grief and adventure to live a life before filled with the same. How much she lived in her short 52 years, never speaking her heart language, not being allowed to raise her kids, far away from her beloved mother, alone in a tribe full of everything her French culture abstained from.

In the quiet moments of my mundane, normal life I think of her. I hope she would have been proud of me. She speaks so often in the ipod in my head. The words of encouragement and instruction...lots of instruction. I wasn't so easy to raise...I am sure I would still ruffle her traditional feathers..."zut alore my minette 'eidi"....she did not pronounce the H in my name.

Her deference to my dad, her catholic reverence for all that is sacred, her talent in the kitchen, her profound insight into people, her loyalty to people, her care for the unlovely, her giggling fits at herself, her greener than green thumb...I was/am not like her in too many of these ways. Her quiet confidence in the Holy and tenacity and love for her family as far flung as we were for all her life...she lived and loved so well. But what did she know on this day so many years ago...but still, you can see it in her eyes?

I love it that I am her daughter...I kind of wish I was more like her.

I was born a princess...

A pilot family came over for a visit the other day. A pilot who flies in Papua. In fact, he flies into the small villages of my youth. He said off hand to my daughter, "your mom is a rock star there!" My whole family is royalty among the Nduga's of Papua. I was born a princess. Every move I made, every excursion out of the home I was surrounded with an entourage of curious and admiring people. When we returned not too many years ago, there was a pig feast, choir and painted faces. Granted, I was with the King ( my Dad) and the Queen ( Elfrieda) but I was loved intensely and without hesitation. All honor given but nothing earned.

If one lives in that environment too long, one becomes accustomed to respect not earned and honor not deserved. There is a subtle but persistent lie that begins to permeate...All those who are born of royalty assume the same...I must be better than, if everyone loves and honors me so. It is hard to be a servant when one is born royal!

There is something quite wonderful about an experience like that...I never want to be comfortable with it though.

I think when those who follow Jesus become too comfortable in being special, famous, popular...they need to do what Jesus did....wash some feet...not in the public eye and maybe not literally but serve as if your sanity depended on it...because maybe it does.

Ring the bell

Ring the bells that still can ring
Forget your perfect offering
There is a crack in everything
That's how the light gets in

Leonard Cohen ( Anthem)

Romans 12:1 So here's what I want you to do, God helping you: Take your everyday, ordinary life-your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life-and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him.

All that we do, all that we are, wherever we are, no matter our occupation, vocation or calling...all that we are is a cracked imperfect offering on an altar seeped with the blood of the perfect offering. Nothing is sacred , nothing is secular...it is all just an offering. One isn't more and one isn't less...it is all we have it is all we are.

Ring those bells !!!!

As long as it is called Today...

13 But exhort one another each day, as long as it is called “Today,” that none of you may become hardened by sin’s deception. Heb.3

Every day, each day as long as it is called Today....exhort, encourage, come along side...
Why...because sin deceives us and as a result we get hard hearted. It is that simple but the thing with deception, we don't know we are being hardened or deceived. That is the sneaky side of sin...others have to tell us. Let me ask you, how often has someone in your life said to you ...'hey, you are being deceived by sin and you are getting hard hearted'?
What does a hard hearted person act like?
Remember when the cry of the heart was that we would have a heart of flesh not a heart of stone? I know there is a creeping hardness in my heart...and as I pray for my enemies I realize when it began. I harbor resentment. I enjoy the fruit of jealousy. I relish apathy.
Not full blown...not wholeheartedly...but I am deceived in increments. A little bit of sin...

A little resentment colors every conversation . A little jealousy hinders gratefulness and contentment. A little apathy allows the day to melt into trivial pursuits. Increments...

Today...I exhort you, I exhort me...

Holy Knitter

So far, it being only Wednesday, it has been a strange week. Busy...which is normal...but inside me...I have been really really angry. The problem...I can't pinpoint the one reason.
I teach a Psychology class here at school so I realize when I passively aggressively respond to a simple request from an innocent bystander who has no issues with me or me with them....something is going on. I can sit myself down and go through the basic questions but I did not even want to talk to my best friend, whom I trust with my life...my husband.
It is scary how powerful this emotion is and destructive it becomes, my poor family.
So last night I simply prayed...Oh Father God...I am sorry, have mercy on me. Help me untangle these disconnected threads and knit me together...O Holy Knitter. Please make something beautiful from all the mess I give you...
Father In Heaven, the Holy Un-tangler. Your Kingdom Come...my kingdom is in disarray...Your Will be done..I don't like mine. Today...as long as it is called Today...give me all that I need to do your will . Amen