Summer came...

Hair - do blues

Obsession with self in these matters is a dead end; attention to God leads us out into the open, into a spacious, free life.  -Romans 8:6 (MSG) I've ruined my hair for the foreseeable future. About two months ago I went in for a color and came out with nothing changed. Strike one... I went in for a perm the other day...a usually wonderful turn for my hair which likes to curl haphazardly on it's own but with a good perm, curls gracefully. I walked out of the salon with haphazardly frizzy...strike two. Then with this huge mane of hair , I got some layers put in to make it manageable which magnified the bad perm in frightening ways...strike three.  I have come very very close to shaving my head and starting over but I don't have cancer and don't want people to assume that I do. My hair...a wonderful combination from my parents has befuddled me for most my life. I have changed hairstyles and fretted over products too often to count. I am vain...I hate this about me.  I am thankful for a hair straightener ... I will be frying my over processed hair until it grows out or I give up.  I am thankful it is the start of the summer...maybe it will shape up before school starts. Or not... Everyone has a story about a bad hair experience...I've had too many and     now one more.  Obsession with self is really a dead end...

Out there...

 ... somwhere.

Facebook and now Pintrest creates in me an unsettled feeling. As I observe through updates and pictures the travels of others, the creative ideas implemented and the great new ideas I think I have somehow missed the great somewhere out there. If I am not traveling with abandon I am missing the global secrets of life. If I am not creating a new space, redefining my body in a new shape or being with a best friend over a creatively designed centerpiece full of flowers and shiny objects. I have somehow missed ...living. If I don't see worth in every day or every person...or take that specific picture that encapsulates everything...I have missed a grand opportunity. Is it me or have we become as a whole voyeurs of others’ lives while at the same time being dissatisfied with our own?  

 I posted once that Facebook makes me interested in lives I would have never even thought about. It also makes me judgmental, irritated, jealous, condescending, compassionate, anxious and aware on a level of community that will never be a reality. Is this healthy...or am I like everything overthinking and overanalyzing. Well, I am not around people very much in the summer  and I have a lot of thinking time...Maybe I am.

Still...

Heart and Soul

 I want to be a runner. I hate running. Running seems the quickest avenue to being fit, my family all runs, it seems a good way to stave off the extra pounds that are supposed to arrive uninvited as I enter my middle year and last but not at all least...runners are cool. I still hate running.
So I bought an App...Couch to 5K. In X number of weeks if I follow the automated extremely motivated voice on my IPod I will effortlessly run a 5K. We will see...though I realize this about myself, I really don't like to be told what to do by anyone or now, anything. BUT...I want to be a runner even though I hate running. I will abide and do what little tin voice tells me to do.

So that will take care of my heart...my soul on the other hand also needs come impetus to be disciplined. I don't hate the Word...this is good but I have been slack in my reading and listening and praying disciplines. So I think if I run for my heart, I will read for my soul...this works in tandem I think. A two pronged effort into the small disciplines that affect the largeness of living.

I also have an App for that. :)

Summer time and the living is ....

Live in THIS moment, the fortune tells me. As if I don't know this but somehow can't seem to remember.  I am on the down side of an up week. Last week was full of THIS MOMENT kind of living.  5th Avenue Awards night, Last supper with International students, Graduation speech and evening, Graduation party and parties and now all is quiet and I am in restorative mode. It was a most excellent week and a most exhausting one.  Summer time and the living needs to be restorative.

Scott is turning 50 this August, Mijo 18, Nick 16 and we will be married 10 years. Summer time and the living is a celebration. My father has a thing for numbers..times when turning an age is more significant than others. This year would be a significant year, and it all happens in August. Us on the 10th, Scott on the 15, Mijo on the 16th and Nick on the 25th.  Since I don't know how to put a party together really well...I am trying to figure it out now. Summer time and the living is a celebration.

Summer time and the living is creative. I have projects to do and things to make. When I become creative I become content. I have a quilt to make, rooms to clean and decorate, gardens to produce, books to read and thoughts to ponder.

Summer time and the living is healthy.  I want to exercise more consistently, eat healthier and drink more water.  The rush of the school year wears on me and I want to get into a habit of eating, sleeping and exercising so that when the rush comes again, I am in a habit.

Summer time and the living is simple...friends, family and fun.

Like a salt shaker

It used to be that every time I went to a restaurant I would try and balance the salt shaker on its side. Sprinkle some salt on the table and see if you can balance it just so for it to stay tilted on its side for just a few moments. I was able to balance this salt shaker long enough to take a picture, I was particularly balanced that day.

It really isn't a measure of my state of mind on the given day that I happen to be in restaurant with a good salt shaker and an even table...I just like to think it is. 

I would like to think I can balance life's demands that easily. As elusive as it is for me to attain this balance with a salt shaker in any given restaurant, so it is true with life. Balance is illusive and precarious.  

Moderation and Balance are often replacements for peace and contentment. However, I think the peace we are promised is when we can't balance and life does not bring with it moderation. We think that the more we can control, the more we can balance the more we will be happy. I don't know about you but life is a pendulum, and balance and moderation is only on the swing through between the extremes. It is very much like a salt shaker on a restaurant table.

I am learning to find those moments and instead of assuming it should be the norm, appreciating the fact that I was able to pause in the middle of the swing.

and so it goes ..part 2

Mijo and I for our JSB.

Dear Mijo,

You burst into the house yesterday with the news of your nomination to 5th Ave. That's just it, you burst everywhere with good news, exciting news, sad news, complicated friendship news...you burst tears, songs, joy, love, animosity, frustration...life is always bursting out of you.  There have been some where this is too much, too much of this bursting...It is never too much, it is you.
Your will to control all those around you, to help them conform into that you think is best has been such an interesting if not frustrating thing to watch. Your determination to change yourself always blows me away. AS you finished your 1/2 marathon, those last few miles as you ran with friend you made along the way, I saw you apart from me, clearly your very own.
We are so proud of you, I beam when I see you and hear about you. I can't imagine home without your bursts...how I will miss you, my daughter of my heart.

Me