Heavens declaring loudly

Same sky, different nights...exploding glory.
 I am in need of perspective these days. Things are not quite working out as we expected or at least hoped for and  we are in a place of uncertainty. Focusing in on our life, our circle of concern and I am lost in the myopia of the moment. I look outside of that circle and I see quite a few of our friends and family struggling ..I look farther and the whole world  is unraveling. It seems that a thread has been pulled and every day brings further proof that things are uncertain the world over.
Then on a given evening I glimpse outside of my front door and  the heavens are shouting, loudly, boldly that beauty belongs even in the middle of uncertainty. Creator God says that the heavens declare His faithfulness, His glory. If He is so bold to declare, in moments, spectacular beauty for anyone who wants to look, can I also believe that the same God can make sense of our uncertainties?  Can beauty for all be an expression of love for all? And when I see beauty in His creation I can be assured of His love.  And if He loves, He is present in all that is uncertain.
Beauty to Love to Hope to Peace, in all that is uncertain.

right to be right

I don't know what it is about us but we like to put 'them' into boxes.  So far there are quite a few boxes to separate and segregate just with a casual wandering through my fb news-feed and twitter account. These are boxes by the way that we give each other in the fold called the family of God; conservative, progressive, evangelical, fundamentalist, pentecostal, orthodox in every flavor, liberal, right-wing, left-wing, emerging- emergent- emerged...I don't know. This of course isn't including the myriad of denominations, creeds and ism's of particular issues whether it be gender issues, roles in the church and family, what is sin, poverty, compassion, missions, modesty, parenting, marriage, persecutions of and by. We collectively hate them and love others.  What is a family, a relationship and when should we be mad at or offended by a corporation, country or collective thought that is popular at the snapchat moment.

We have various numbers of steps to repair, fix, overcome, rethink get right all of the above: 7 , 8, 13, 21, 56 steps to everything.  There are articles I read that I won't go to the comment section because inevitable there is a yahoo who thinks swearing and ALL CAPPING will change everyone's opinion just because he/she swore and ALL CAPPED.

We are so earnest, so desiring for the other to come over to our side of the issue. We are so sure we are so right about so many many things. If only 'they' could see how stupid, lost, angry, un-educated, miss-informed, self centered, liberal, conservative, immature, young, old, traditional, progressive 'they' are...if only.

Where is love? How are we at that? 1 John is pestering me because I am not good at love...the love each other commandment ... We have to love each other...if we don't we cannot call ourselves children of God no matter how right we think we are about anything.
Love trumps everything...the right to be right, more right, better right, theologically right, fundamentally right, biblically right, denominationally right, politically right, educationally right, materially right, racially right, culturally right, historically right, constitutionally right.
Trust me, after writing right so many times...it has lost its meaning.
Love doesn't.

The Play Button

The berry's are coming...all of them at the moment at the same time. Strawberries, raspberries and even the blueberries. It really is a lovely delicious time here in the PNW.  All the young folk are working, nice thing about living in a rural community, there is work for the teens.
I'm on pause at the moment.
Scott is home and not working. This is hard for a lot of reasons but he isn't one to sit still.  Mijo is working and loving on people...she is seldom home if she can help it. Nick is working in the berry's and is home to sleep. We just found out that his leaving this Fall is postponed for 6 months so we are trying to figure out the next immediate step for him.
I'm on pause.
At Costco the other day, the cart rolled over my toe...so literally, I can hardly move.
I'm on pause.
I don't do well on pause, I lose perspective. I feel every ache and pain. I auger in on things that should be left well enough alone. I muse and ponder. I withdraw. Pause isn't good for me.

I am looking for the play button.

A hard necessary mission

Look close enough in Creation anywhere and you will find echos and shadows of the Creator's love for beauty. Jesus points us there in his walk about here on earth but probably not in the places you would think. We don't ever read about Jesus gazing at the beauty of a sunset or marveling at the intricacies of a gnarled olive tree. If Jesus was taking pictures of what He thought was the best of creation and the beauty of His handiwork...always people, always people. 
I know He enjoys His creation...and the beauty and color and composition and nuance of design...but it was people, broken, stinky, sick, malformed, bitter, angry, funny looking, volatile people He wanted to be with.
I live in a really beautiful corner of the world. It is pretty magnificent with snow capped mountain, oceans, rivers and tall spectacular trees. We collectively  don't take it for granted and we imbibe in its beauty as often as we can. More often then not I have heard people say that they feel closest to God when they are out in His creation. I am sure , they don't mean people. Maybe being with people is where God should be most understood.
I think that the driving motivation of Gods kingdom is restoring, rebuilding, cherishing, establishing relationships with him and with others, period...that is it...all it is...all the time.
I think the driving motivation for the  anti-god is breaking, tearing away, isolating, using and abusing relationships...all the time.
You want to know what God wants you to do with your life...what He did/does with  His; healing, establishing, building, mending, strengthening relationships. It is in building communities , being inclusive not exclusive, forgiving, serving, showing hospitality.
If you are an introvert, it is stretching your comfort zone and making the initiative.
If you are an extrovert, it is listening more and seeking the other into your circle of friends.

For this introverted soul it is a hard , necessary  mission.

A little road trip

14 hours to Billings. 1 dead deer, 1 crunched ford fiesta. Left on Wednesday afternoon and arrived on Thursday afternoon with a hotel stay in the middle. 
8 hours to Saskatoon on Friday morning. Green rolling hills of Montana, miles and miles and miles of green grass land in the Saskachewen prairies.
8 hours back to Billing on Sunday...miles and miles of GRAND landscapes the other direction.
14 hours back to Lynden on Monday.
44 hours in a vehicle to see the people I love, priceless.

His Purpose...and mine

Henry Blackaby, the author of "Experiencing God." He wrote, "[God] will reveal His purposes to you so you can become involved in His work rather than merely pursuing your own goals and dreams. #EG" Is that relevant to your ponderings?

A wonderful mentor/friend asked me this question commenting on my last post.  I thought about this picture. I believe that God reveals his purposes/work/will/delight often times in our goals and dreams. If we delight in the Lord he will give you the desires of your heart...right? Or can we say, the desires of our heart are His delight if we delight in Him.

We are driving to Saskatoon to visit my folks very much our desire when along came this house in the middle of the road. We could have very much pushed forward with disastrous results or wait on the side of the road as it passed us by. I think we think that this is how God works his will in us. We are merrily going along our way and suddenly we have to make a drastic stop or diversion because there is house/ clear obvious road block in the middle of what we desire to do.
Can we make wrong decisions...I don't know? Can we make decision that will make life harder, yes, but are they wrong?  In the grand scheme of trusting God...and delighting in Him I don't think you can go wrong. It may not work out as you expected...but that may be the perfect place for you to be in to become the person ...you want in your soul to be.
There are some decision that are very clear...like a house in the middle of the road. If you marry a person with addiction/anger problems/manipulation issue, control issues...you will have a difficult marriage. You can go forward and bear the consequences which in turn could be very painful...but wrong? 

But back to what are God's purposes for me, His delight?  As He can work His purposes in our delights, the problem is I don't know what my heart delights in. I am not scared of the house in the middle of the road...I have no idea what road I should be traveling. I can focus on delighting in the Lord...I have no idea how to do that as I think, we find our delight in the Lord, following the delights of our heart...oh, it is circuitous.

My Son loves mountain biking...LOVES it. As he pursues this hobby he delights in the Creator, in the pleasure of this sport, in the company of his friends....Delight all around. Pleasure, beauty, community  what is ultimately Good is trans-formative.

His purpose for me and about me is delight. Summer reflection #1. Finding delight.

What now?

So it is the Monday after the weekend of graduation and parties and hoopla. I did not cry once at any of the events as I had done with the daughter. Nicklaus is not only graduating but if everything works out , he will be traveling far away for a year. I am going to miss this son of mine. He is such good company and has been in his 17/18 years everything I could have hoped for. Now as the chapters close on this part of my life,  it is time for some serious reflection.

 This summer, I want to take the time to figure out what the next chapter will be now that the intensity of parenting has moved to a different level. I have concentrated my focus in the last 20 years to parent to the best of my ability. It has been  through addiction and death of a spouse, financial difficulties, being single, buying and selling homes, dating, newly married, in job transitions, in different geography's, in getting my Masters, in healing from serious injury, in deaths of in-laws. Parenting has been my focus of energy and imagination. Along the way, in the normal and worthwhile concentration of being a mom, I have lost whatever my dreams, ambitions or passions were. I thought I knew what it was I wanted to do...but what I have really wanted  is to do right by the kids that were given to me in the middle of what has been some incredible difficult years.

Now I have a good job, a wonderful marriage, a comfortable life...but no idea whatsoever what it is I have a passion for. My focus has been parenting....what happens when that focus is not longer necessary...what then, what now?