I've decided

I think I am going to stop writing for awhile. Not that I have nothing to say...always have something to say. I just need to find the thing I want to say. I read many many blogs...it has become my favorite read in the morning after I catch up with the news. I want to revamp, restyle, rethink what it is I want to do. Needless to say...this is what I want to do for now. Thank you for your kind attention over these years. Please stay tuned...I will be back but differently.

I drove by...

I drove by a graveside ceremony today. Lynden may be the only town that has a cemetery at its entrance but every time you drive in and out on Front Street, one drives through a cemetery. The people caught my eye as they huddles around the plot. Dark colors and hunched shoulders, draped arms and white Kleenex were the unspoken reminders of this grave day.
I drove by enormous houses with closed gates and immaculate laws. Wealth displayed in houses and views and gardens and gates. I could not imagine having so much and living in such gracious surroundings.
I drove by a trailer park a few miles down the road from the mansions. Clustered together with nary a garden plot. Children playing in the space between, on old pieces of furniture and broken down cars.
I drove home, my little house on 10th. The kids were watching Dr. Who...Scott and I just had a wonderful evening together. So very grateful for what I have...and the grief I don't yet have to carry. Such reminders on a drive by...

Bits of bread

Scott and I were talking about God's interest in our personal every day lives. It is hard at times to think that the immensity of God is at all concerned for the finiteness of me. Everyone tells me this is true but in the riding to school, running the dog, figuring out breakfast...I still find it hard to believe there is a divine interest in me and my ho hum life. I asked Scott about this and he said we just need to look for the bread crumbs...which reminded me of that time that Jesus talked to the Canaanite woman. ( Matthew 15) She was wanting her child to be healed and Jesus in one of the more strange response seems to insult her by telling her he is really there for the Jews...it is a strange un-Jesus like response and though I have heard and read many reason why and how, I only want to think about is her response. "But even the dogs get the crumbs off the masters table"...She seems to recognize Jesus' point and makes one of her own. I like this...I am this woman. I am not saying that I am less but I am certainly not on the edge of God's Kingdom work. I am a vessel of ignoble use not noble...I am not Moses, or Paul, or Lydia, or any other named character in the Bible...I am one of the crowd, the many, the church. I am that unnamed women who knows Jesus well enough to know that he will not overlook my anonymity. My value to Him is not predicated on my culture, credibility, charisma, character, cash, career or color.
I am of value apart from my position in this society. I am of value outside the realm of human accomplishment.
Those bead crumbs from the table...nourish me.

Micro ... Macro

We are the proud owners of an aquarium and 4 little goldfish. Mijo and I were such newbies walking into Pets Smart wondering what it would take to get up and running. Much longer and much more complicated then you think. We had an aquarium from the biology lab at school and some objects to put in,all I thought we would need would be some fish, food and a filter. No...you need a water heater, water purifier, net, gravel for the bottom, scrubber, gravel vacuum, water stone and pump. One can't even have any fish until there is enough bacteria in the water after you take the chlorine out. you can either buy some bacteria and wait a week or so or you can buy some goldfish. Those hearty , dirty fish who when you have them a week dirty up the tank enough to allow the water to get to that magical ratio that is healthy for other fish.

Water life amaze me because not to many years ago all we knew about fish was what we caught in our nets or saw with our own eyes a few feet deep. The whole micro world was beyond our scope, just waiting to be discovered.

I love it that God so knew his Creation that He knew we needed to discover. How the unknown pushes us further. Deeper and higher we go looking and marveling and wondering. Seeing all the colors of the fish, their size and shape and 'personalities', I am so delighted to discover for myself a new living thing spoken from God's imagination. In the micro to the macro...from the simple to the complicated...all that is living dancing its beauty. I wonder what is still out there, up there under there...yet to be seen.

God's imagination swimming in my fish tank...running in the field...growing in my garden...kissing me goodnight.

11 years ago

Curtiss Lee Buiskool....husband of 14 years , son, brother and father died 11 years ago today. This is some of what he wrote...A time to remember...

Don't let the past go; come to accept it with peace. If I run away from my past
I'll never stop running
There is no future dwellin on the past.

Without hope there is no future
Without the past there are no lessons learned
Withouth today there is neither

We build a future by living many today's
If you ask me for more than today you have me confused with God.

If we breath we're given today
Its sunset but a hope
Assuming tomorrow sunset, arrogance

Our days ahead unwritten, unpromised
Those behind with regrets, serenity covers

Getting a cold

On Friday in my ESL we were going around having to answer random questions on cards. This creates conversations which in the long run is exactly what is needed. These students spend most of their conversations times talking in their native languages rather then struggle through with English. Anyway, one of the questions was what diseases are you most afraid to contract. We all walked about cancer, Aids etc. and one of my students said...colds. I am most afraid of getting a cold.

This made me laugh...so I asked. Really, you are afraid of getting a cold? He answers..." I have 3 colds this semester, so I am afraid of cold ! Keeping it real...why not worry about what actually can happen rather then what may happen. Refreshing in the reality of it all.

I finally did go to the doctor for my well check up. It has been 3 years since my last and as worried as I was about what I may have...all that was of concern was my very low vitamin D count. I'm good to go otherwise. Anxious about everything ...thankful about nothing. I don't think that is how the verse goes...

So, here is to the common cold...a reminder that it isn't more and therefore we can be thankful.

Cell phones and Nick

My son has been asking for a cell phone for about...2 years now. He seems to think that having a cell phone will somehow make him taller, smarter, and better looking. We have said no ... for about 2 years but the time came Sunday on a shopping trip to Costco. He could have handled it so much better then he did but then he reminds me of me in my relationship to the Almighty.
So we go and get all the information about who, what and why and the gentlemen I think his name was Larry said we needed to go through the line to get our phones before he could sign us up. If you know Costco on Sunday you know it is a MAD house and the lines waiting for the tellers slink all the way back to never never land. I have a personal rule about being in a Que...I don't unless standing in line I will only have to do it once. Buying this phone...I would have to stand in line twice. Nick looked at me...realized what the firmness of my jaw meant. I was not going to stand in line unless we had a full cart and were going to do this only once. He said..."Come on Mom, it is no big deal, it's only 10 people!" I said we would go and talk to Larry but there was no way.....On the walk back to Larry, Nick got angry with me. He does not verbalize...he sets his face like stone and kicks things.
Ahh Nick...you had the chance to deal with disappointment better then that. You could have realized that getting a cell phone now is really about 5 months before you should. You could have seen that we wanted to do something nice and we would have made it work but not at this juncture and this particular day. Really, we want to do right by you but now you have changed what could have been a fun time together with a great new cell phone in the near future and responded with gratefulness rather then anger. It was just the timing of it all not the gift. Larry offered to get the phones so we did not have to stand in line twice and suddenly Nick was all good.
Now, I was mad....Nick, of course you have a good attitude, you get what you want NOW. I wanted you to be grateful you were getting a phone sooner then later for no reason except we wanted to do something nice for you. Next time maybe you can just trust me and be thankful...

Yes, Heidi...maybe you can...trust Me even when you think My timing is off with the good I want to give you...Stop kicking those goads.