"It takes a long time to grow young"

“For we have sinned and grown old and our Father is younger than we.”           ------G.K. Chesterton

 

 And we, who with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord's glory are being transformed with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit.  1 Cor. 3:18

But those who wait upon God get fresh strength. They spread their wings and soar like eagles, They run and don't get tired, they walk and don't lag behind. Is. 40:3

 

 

“It takes a long time to grow young.”  P. Picaso

 

 “It does not take much to make us realize what fools we are, but the little it takes is long in coming.”
― Flannery O'Connor

You got me when I was an unformed youth, God, and taught me everything I know. Now I'm telling the world your wonders;  I'll keep at it until I'm old and gray. God, don't walk off and leave me until I get out the news Of your strong right arm to this world, news of your power to the world yet to come, Your famous and righteous ways, O God. God, you've done it all! Who is quite like you?  You, who made me stare trouble in the face, Turn me around; Now let me look life in the face. I've been to the bottom;  streaming with honors; turn to me, be tender to me, and I'll take up the lute and thank you to the tune of your faithfulness, God. I'll make music for you on a harp, Holy One of Israel.
  Ps. 71:17-22

Now for something completely different

In my drop box I have a collection of photographs from my youth, my parents youth and pre-children days. I look at my parents...

and think...OK, these cats were cool !
I mean, they should have graced the pages of some Paris style magazine, since that is where these two met each other and lounged gracefully I am sure in some cafe.

In reality, they were in the jungles of Papua, Indonesia. They were raising 3 kids in a tent with no running water with people who had not yet wandered out of the stone-age let alone into the 20th century until My Dad  trekked into their valley September of 1963.   
I am humbled by their stories, their boldness, their trust, their courage... their really cool clothes/style.
Looking at them from this perspective...our generation, we have lost some of the cool and most of the courage.
Me,  looking out from those baby eyes, how could I have known all that was normal for me then is amazing from these 51 year old eyes looking back.

What a legacy ! 

Curtiss Lee

Curtiss would have been 55 years old today. We met at Moody Bible Insititute and married the year we graduated. This picture was taken at CMA conference in Pyramid, Papua on July 13, 1985.  6 months later my Mother left this earth and 14 years later Curtiss followed.
This man captured my heart with his passion for the Lord, his sense of humor, his love for adventure and his love for me. He played scratch golf and wrote poetry. He loved his friends and loved his family and wrestled with demons of addiction and self worth.  To say we had a lovely and peaceful marriage would be false, there were some years that were hellish for both of us. When he died at the early age of 39 he had driven most demons away and had lived shame free for a year. He is the father of both our children and has left his legacy imprinted on their personalities and features.
There are times when I am still angry for the years swallowed by addiction and its aftermath. I have another life now but on this day and April 26th, the anniversary of this death...the life we had comes back into focus. It is strange to speak of a former husband, I know. It is at times awkward when I call Scott, Curtiss though that happens less and less. Most the people I see on a daily basis never knew Curtiss or my life with him. I wonder what my life would have been if he was still in it. If we would have worked through our issues and had a good life. If his love for his kids would have given the impetus to live sober. He was such a good soul, such a peaceful and broken man. When I hear the phrase from Leonard Cohen's , Anthem...

Ring the bells that still can ring
Forget your perfect offering
There is a crack in everything
That's how the light gets in.


We are all cracked open with our own brokenness...if ever I saw light shine through broken though was in the life of Curtiss Lee.


September 4, 1959 - April 26th, 1999

A conversation can change things

Since he has been able to pick up a stick , this boy of ours  has played a soldier, walking around our neighborhood in full camouflage and pretend rifles and hand grenades slung over his little shoulders. When I married Scott coming from a family of Marines, being a Marine himself, must have been a gift from the God he was getting to know. I was sure this was going to be a phase...like being an astronaut or president.
As he got older, he immersed himself in WW I and II history, military history and reading soldier stories of old and present. I began to understand that this was not a little boys imagination but a young mans ambition and my Mama influence came into full force. I was using my 'amazing' persuasive powers to change his mind.
I have worked on him for the last 4 years and finally when he decided to go on a mission to Palestine with Pioneers, I thanked God I had a year more to talk him out of it or God  who if course was also  on my side, would change his mind while he wandered in the "holy" land.
Last week at the fair which comes here every summer, Nick went to talk to the Marine recruiter...on a whim, a short conversation changed to a long conversation. It seems that if you go to a country that is hostile to the US after the age of 15, your security clearance to do anything in the Marines is significantly limited. He could be a cook...maybe. You would think that this would be an answer to my many years of prayer, he would go on his mission and never go in the Marines,
 OR...go on his mission, which is the Marines.

In churches, I always have found it amazingly ironic that students who go on mission trips, or go to YWAM  get prayed for in  front of the church.  As if what they are doing is more important than a student who is working a job or  going to University where their faith will be tested and their opportunity to be a witness more profound then a 10 day mission/tourist trip or a 6 month long discipleship course. I think if every student was sent out with prayer support from their church body, than students would realize they are always on a mission to bring the Kingdom of God wherever they are planted. There is nothing we do that is of more value then something else in kingdom building.There are some things however,  that are more difficult.

I think going in the Marines will be difficult for his mind, body, and soul as a Kingdom Builder. I would have asked you to pray for Nick if he was going to Palestine, I need to ask you to commit to pray for Nick going into this mission, the Marines. You won't have to support him financially...but can I ask for your prayer support?

There is a lot of fear in this decision...not him,I have never seen him more sure. I am afraid because I know God does not necessarily keep safe. I know the business of the Marines is war...
He wants to be an Honorable Warrior.
He wants to honor God in the Marines...I wonder at times if that is possible.
I know, I know....

One conversation...

N3um56be97rs and idols

^{1 John 5:
18} We know that anyone born of God does not continue to sin; the One who was born of God keeps them safe, and the evil one cannot harm them. ¹⁹ We know that we are children of God, and that the whole world is under the control of the evil one. ²⁰ We know also that the Son of God has come and has given us understanding, so that we may know him who is true. And we are in him who is true by being in his Son Jesus Christ. He is the true God and eternal life.
²¹ Dear children, keep yourselves from idols.

There is so much in those 4 short verses and I have had these verses in mind all month...what surprises me about 1John though, is how he ends. He has not spoken about idols in all 5 chapters. It is as if it is a PS: Oh, children...keep yourselves from idols. 

On my walk today I was thinking about idols. What makes something an idol?
I think it is any thing or person  that generates strong emotions and in which we think lies our happiness, safety and fulfillment. My idols are money and numbers. 
Money because the lack of it makes me afraid and more of it makes me happy. Numbers, and this is a bit of a sneaky one but so amazingly pervasive...
Think about how numbers can make a difference in how you feel about yourself and others. How a number can make you feel discontent, insignificant and prideful; age, weight, size, miles run, hours spent, money saved, money earned. Everything we are comes down to numbers...numbers create a boundary in which we choose to live. 
How often a day can be ruined by a silly number on a scale or written subversively in my wrinkles. How about a number on a pair of jeans, dress or shirt which is bigger or smaller than what we anticipated and how that can affect our day positively or negatively. That number has ruined many a young woman's life as that number has dictated whether she can eat or not. If a person has a number attached to their person as to the numbers of years they have been given to live, we choose to respect or not respect. A year of my life was thrown for a spin because I was turning an inevitable number...

What do you do with idols? You find them, you burn them and you repent from them and begin every day from that day forward to untangle the web of lies that idol has wrought upon your soul.  Then you read the verses before verse 21...

¹⁸ We know that anyone born of God does not continue to sin; the One who was born of God keeps them safe, and the evil one cannot harm them. ¹⁹ We know that we are children of God, and that the whole world is under the control of the evil one. ²⁰ We know also that the Son of God has come and has given us understanding, so that we may know him who is true. And we are in him who is true by being in his Son Jesus Christ. He is the true God and eternal life.

Heavens declaring loudly

Same sky, different nights...exploding glory.
 I am in need of perspective these days. Things are not quite working out as we expected or at least hoped for and  we are in a place of uncertainty. Focusing in on our life, our circle of concern and I am lost in the myopia of the moment. I look outside of that circle and I see quite a few of our friends and family struggling ..I look farther and the whole world  is unraveling. It seems that a thread has been pulled and every day brings further proof that things are uncertain the world over.
Then on a given evening I glimpse outside of my front door and  the heavens are shouting, loudly, boldly that beauty belongs even in the middle of uncertainty. Creator God says that the heavens declare His faithfulness, His glory. If He is so bold to declare, in moments, spectacular beauty for anyone who wants to look, can I also believe that the same God can make sense of our uncertainties?  Can beauty for all be an expression of love for all? And when I see beauty in His creation I can be assured of His love.  And if He loves, He is present in all that is uncertain.
Beauty to Love to Hope to Peace, in all that is uncertain.

right to be right

I don't know what it is about us but we like to put 'them' into boxes.  So far there are quite a few boxes to separate and segregate just with a casual wandering through my fb news-feed and twitter account. These are boxes by the way that we give each other in the fold called the family of God; conservative, progressive, evangelical, fundamentalist, pentecostal, orthodox in every flavor, liberal, right-wing, left-wing, emerging- emergent- emerged...I don't know. This of course isn't including the myriad of denominations, creeds and ism's of particular issues whether it be gender issues, roles in the church and family, what is sin, poverty, compassion, missions, modesty, parenting, marriage, persecutions of and by. We collectively hate them and love others.  What is a family, a relationship and when should we be mad at or offended by a corporation, country or collective thought that is popular at the snapchat moment.

We have various numbers of steps to repair, fix, overcome, rethink get right all of the above: 7 , 8, 13, 21, 56 steps to everything.  There are articles I read that I won't go to the comment section because inevitable there is a yahoo who thinks swearing and ALL CAPPING will change everyone's opinion just because he/she swore and ALL CAPPED.

We are so earnest, so desiring for the other to come over to our side of the issue. We are so sure we are so right about so many many things. If only 'they' could see how stupid, lost, angry, un-educated, miss-informed, self centered, liberal, conservative, immature, young, old, traditional, progressive 'they' are...if only.

Where is love? How are we at that? 1 John is pestering me because I am not good at love...the love each other commandment ... We have to love each other...if we don't we cannot call ourselves children of God no matter how right we think we are about anything.
Love trumps everything...the right to be right, more right, better right, theologically right, fundamentally right, biblically right, denominationally right, politically right, educationally right, materially right, racially right, culturally right, historically right, constitutionally right.
Trust me, after writing right so many times...it has lost its meaning.
Love doesn't.