But, I should be ....

The thing about pain, disappointment, grief is that there is always someone else who is suffering more.  So in comparison...we should be grateful. It could be worse is a refrain bouncing in the back of my mind as I contemplate my own personal sorrow.  It stops me from sharing, from crying in public, from going out with friends, from having people over...I have no right to my pain because it is not nearly as bad as ______________. 

Currently in the lives around me there is unbearable pain of  a person losing their battle with cancer, a child who is suffering from an incurable life threatening disease, family pain and discord, loss...in all its shards.

  Ps. 31: 1 I take refuge in you, LORD. Please never let me be put to shame. Rescue me by your righteousness! 2 Listen closely to me! Deliver me quickly; be a rock that protects me; be a strong fortress that saves me! 3 You are definitely my rock and my fortress. Guide me and lead me for the sake of your good name! 4 Get me out of this net that's been set for me because you are my protective fortress. 5 I entrust my spirit into your hands; you, LORD, God of faithfulness— you have saved me. 6 I hate those who embrace what is completely worthless. I myself trust the LORD. 7 I rejoice and celebrate in your faithful love because you saw my suffering— you were intimately acquainted with my deep distress. 8 You didn't hand me over to the enemy, but set my feet in wide-open spaces. 9 Have mercy on me, LORD, because I'm depressed. My vision fails because of my grief, as do my spirit and my body. 10 My life is consumed with sadness; my years are consumed with groaning. Strength fails me because of my suffering; my bones dry up. 11 I'm a joke to all my enemies, still worse to my neighbors. I scare my friends, and whoever sees me in the street runs away! 12 I am forgotten, like I'm dead, completely out of mind; I am like a piece of pottery, destroyed. 13 Yes, I've heard all the gossiping, terror all around; so many gang up together against me, they plan to take my life! 

  14 But me?

 I trust you, LORD! I affirm, "You are my God." 

Often times in the moment, my prayer is simply...

"You are my God, I have no other. Have mercy not only on me but on every story I know, and every story I will never hear. I know if what gives me pain is hidden in plain view, we are all the walking wounded." 

I think it is more honest to be wounded and grateful, grieving and joyful, disappointed and hopeful, doubtful and faithful.

I keep forgetting this.

I rejoice and celebrate in your faithful love because you saw my suffering— you were intimately acquainted with my deep distress. 




I should be everything that I am...and so should you.