Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Wednesday wonders

I am ready for another road trip...maybe just to get away again from the routine of not exactly knowing that the future holds. On road trips life seems suspended and time bounces from empty gas tank to the next. Here things are so uncertain, what exactly is Scott going to be doing next year, what exactly will be my responsibilities, what should we be doing now and what should we let go. Every summer between school years things change in my job. Often times I am picking up a new class or changing my responsibility...this year is no different. What is different is that Scott is home every day and his work future is uncertain.
What I do know is how much fun it was to be in Chicago and to be with family and to laugh and talk about issues important but then not so important. As we were leaving my little niece made me a necklace. As she put the beads on the string she solemnly said..."I make these necklaces for those that I love". It hangs in my car because every day I want to remember that a little 5 year old loves me. What was also fun was that my oldest niece and my youngest niece are there together in the same town...well, for a few months anyway. My sister-in-law is having another baby girl. My oldest niece and I are very similar and watching her become who she wants to be in this grand old town is such an inspiration. She laughs easy and articulates so well...such good company.
Then there is my brother and the twins and my sister-in-law and a lovely house and Chicago and walking and talking and eating good food and enjoying great thunderstorms. It was a great time...I have no idea why we have not done that sooner.
Home again home again jiggety jig...June gloom is holding on with a tight watery grip but will let go as soon as July comes around. Summer transitions...have begun.

Monday, June 27, 2011

Road Trip Adventures

Scott and I decided on a whim to go on an adventure, a 4000 mile road trip to Chicago and back. So we did and we had such a good time. The verdant green valleys and prairies accompanied us across Washington, Idaho, Montana, North Dakota, Minnesota, Wisconsin and Illinois. It was green, wet and beautiful and oh so mesmerizing mile after green mile. Scott did all the driving and I was amazed at his endurance for driving. We listened to stories on CD stopped only when we were tired and that was usually 11 or midnight. Our longest stretch of driving may have been the 1000 miles in one day...but I really have not thought about those details. On the way back we stopped at Mt. Rushmore and Crazy Horse but other then that we drove onward and back.
We needed to think some things through like what are we gong to do about Scott's inability to work for the next 5 months. What should I do with new opportunities at school, how to we help Mijo prepare for the next phase of her life, how do we keep in contact with our families and to reconnect with being a couple. I wish I could say we had these long discussions about all of these and really came back with a plan of action.
We did not...but we did come back very grateful for our families and the opportunities we have to make choices that glorify God. Scott and I still really like each other and when we have the opportunity outside of every day pressures we have a lot of fun. I learned how much I miss having my family closer and how much I wish I could be a close by Aunt rather then that far away Aunt that comes now and then. I was very proud of the kids who did living on their own pretty well.
Nothing profound...but delightful. Maybe now we can figure out the next steps ahead.
More stories ahead of our time in the great green miles.

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

10:20 AM...what 's on your mind

Face book always ask us whats on our mind and for the life of me every time I wonder what I should write down from the many many things that flit across the screen of my mind.
I have been at school all week trying to organize my thoughts only to realize as I go through the past school year what I should have, could have, wish I had done many things differently. What students I should have paid more attention to, what lesson I should have lingered on, what students I should have kicked out of class. What behavior I overlooked and what I should have done different. Teaching is hard work. I know I failed in so many ways in the things that are important and may have succeeded well in the things that will be forgotten.
I look out at my empty room and remember all the students flitting in and out like the thoughts on my mind. Today I was reminded that what I thought was a minor confrontation with a student has grown to a major incident in their mind. I can't go back and undo nor can I even explain enough to assuage their anger, all I can do is remember enough not to do that again.
I care what students think of me, I want them to know that I respect that they are teenagers and have valid opinions ...but when it is all done, they are fickle and I can't have what they think be the mirror I believe.
I need summers for more then just a break from the routine. I need summers to evaluate what it is that I do...and remember that it is just a part of who I am.
This would be really long status update !

Saturday, June 11, 2011

SUMMMER !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Those of us who mark each year with scholastic transitions know how it feels to move from the school year to summer. If the weather does not cooperate it does not matter...Summer marks a time for change, rest, relaxation and rejuvenation. I have a lot to get done...BUT even though that is the case it is now on my time rather then the bell schedule of LC. It takes about a week to unwind the year so in that time I hope to do my biggest job of the summer and organize my classes and refresh my curriculum. I want to take a road trip to Chicago as well as up to Saskatoon...I want to learn something new...do a garden well...get a yoga routine down...spend time with friends...go through every room in this house and throw away until it is painful. That's just the start..it is a lot like a new years resolution but with less pressure. So on this first day of the summer break....this is what I desire to accomplish.

Tuesday, June 7, 2011

What is included...

As I was driving back from the hospital yesterday, having dropped Scott off for surgery, I was wondering a bit about that verse ..God works all things together for good...
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28
Is Scott's surgery, work situation, family dynamics, etc. are these part of the all things? Are things just bad luck...or significant happenings? Is everything that happens a part of something or just something? Is it just some families get better breaks then others for a reason...they are somehow luckier? If God works for the good of all who love Him...then when the bad happens lets say an injury or a loss of a job can we infer that the bad that keeps happening is necessary for a reason so that good can come from it...IE: Stubborn people need harder lessons to learn better things? Is everything that happens significant or can it be just living and getting a bad break. I was thinking about my horse accident...anyone could have been thrown but it was me. Did I somehow need those lessons I learned or did the accident happen and I learned those lessons. When bad/difficult things keep happening is it because we are not learning the lessons we are supposed to have been learning...or is it just bad luck.
And we know that in all things God works...does He then make the all things happen?

I have no idea if I am making sense no matter how many times I reread what I wrote...I am hoping in it all you know what I am trying to say or ask or wonder about. :)

Thursday, June 2, 2011

Walking in the desert...

"It's always something" is a common refrain in our home. If it isn't the dog suffering from an unknown ailment, or seventeen steps to get one thing done, it's Scott rupturing his bicep. If we need to fix one thing we find that there are 20 other things that we need to fix. It is the every day hassles every day that wear me down...It is always something that diminishes my joy, my hope, perseverance and perspective. Not knowing where Scott is going to work and now that he is dealing with this injury if he can work...ARGH...argh...argh....
It is always surprising how I deal with these 'somethings'. I get mad, frustrated, depressed, and anxious. As if somehow I should be exempted from these experiences. The sermon on Sunday reminded me that like Abraham when choosing which land to live on gave the first choice to Lot..who chose the lush and easy. Abraham took the wilderness. Maybe when all is said and done the perspective needs to be wilderness walking rather then lush living. Since the world we live in is broken and breaking why wouldn't it be hard? As I look up from the myopia of my life and turn on the TV I am literraly inundated with BIG SOMTHINGS. Not only flooding but MASSIVE flooding, not only tornadoes but KILLER tornadoes and on and on it goes every single day. It is as if we are all walking into a different kind of time and different kind of "SOMETHING".
Where do I go with this wilderness walking where nothing is safe, comfortable or predictable. I keep thinking the oasis is the norm...rather then the exception. The illusion of control is my illusive addiction.
My name is Heidi and I am in denial...
  • I admit I am powerless over this addiction -
  • Step 2 - Came to believe that God could restore me to sanity
  • Step 3 - Made a decision to turn my will and my life over to the care of God.
  • Step 4 - Made a searching and fearless moral inventory and found myself wanting
  • Step 5 - Admitted to God, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs
  • Step 6 - I am entirely ready to have God remove this defect of my character
  • Step 7 - Humbly asked God to remove my shortcomings
  • Step 8 - Made a list of all that I think I can control and laugh at my arrogance.
  • Step 9 - Live in the moments of oasis and Shalom not as a right, but a gift.
  • Step 10 - Continued to take personal inventory and when I am in denial promptly admit it
  • Step 11 - Sought through prayer and meditation to improve my contact with God , praying only for knowledge of God's will for me and the power to carry that out
  • Step 12 - Having had a spiritual awakening and knowing I cannot control anything...trust in the One who goes before, and who I follow.