Not all who wander...or wonder.

I find myself in the month of May, torn.
Between the school year coming to an end, rejoicing and 
the last  graduating, finished.
I not only wander, but I wonder and in my wondering I can get lost.
 I wonder if he is prepared for what is out there. I wonder if I have been the mother that he has needed. I wonder if  he is going away to far, and I will lose him to soon. I wonder if I can un-mother him and let him grow up and away. I wonder where these years have gone and did I really enjoy them like I was told too? 
The sad thing about boys growing up...if they left when they were sophomores...that would have been a relief. If they left as Juniors...they were so often out of the house anyway. Now they leave when they have become such good company...what is with that?
I find myself counting down the days not in the usual ways but in the lingering ways. These hallways will not hold one of mine anymore...I am so sad about this.
I am just sad.