If we parrot truth does it become real?
Don't worry...God's in control...of what?
in all things God works for the good of all those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose...What's good? Whose called? What purpose?
I have been thinking lately that when we parrot we sound a lot like a flock of irritating sea gulls. I have been seeing sea gulls flock over the newly sprayed hay fields when we are out running Mocha. We don't have screeching parrots here but we do have disgusting sea gulls.
Truth is powerful but not coming from every mouth or beak.
Things have been a bit off lately...but not from the usual sources.
Scott has been layed off for a month now and as finances become a bit tight...I'm good. He is an amazing layed off person, he cooks, cleans, does laundry, makes lunches, goes grocery shopping . I am on vacation while I work.
I am an ESL teacher at LC. I have no training or expertise in this area and next year I will be doing more with the international students. But...I'm good. It isn't what I'd like or even what I am qualified to teach but somehow this new direction will work.
I don't have a community of friends or even family...It's OK. I have no idea what dysfunction my family works in but we don't talk, communicate or seem to matter to each other. As the years go by with promises made and un-kept to keep in touch I wonder what fundamental aspect of family we have lost. There is a big family reunion this summer and though I am looking forward to being there...there is also an unsettled angst. This is discouraging but it is not new.
What is new ... a sense of unraveling. As if what I have always known to be true somehow does not make sense anymore with what I know to be real. My past has had a profound impact on my present and if I don't take the time to figure out when the unraveling began, how will I contain the fray? Maybe it is reaching the middle years when both beginning and end are in perspective. What have I done that matters,what am I doing that matters, and what will I do that matters.
I think this is what is the core of all our questions...Do I matter?
I don't want parroted truth, I want to see it, I want to know it.
...I am loved though, and I love...maybe that is all that matters.
2 comments:
Heidi - good to read your latest thinkings. Trust you are as good as you say. In the midst of what you are experiencing, may you sense God's presence even more powerfully.- lew
love and being loved...if it is all as fundamental as this, I have wasted a lot of time...and I suspect I have wasted a lot of time...In these middle years, I have wanted to become more sure of the plan, the goal, the direction...and I seem to see it less and less...perhaps it IS just that simple, to love and be loved, and live with these moment by moment opportunities...then we cede to God's control...Thanks for your good thoughts!
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