On this day we had spent too many hours sleeping on the floor, had wandered too many days in the rain, used too many holes in the ground for a bathroom and I was near the end of whatever rope I was hanging on.
The outside of my world as I turn 47 isn't the same but this is what I feel on the inside. A bit overwhelmed by the immediate pressures and perplexed by the state of affairs in my own mind.
I am very grateful at this time of my life...I am healthy, my children are well, I have the love of my husband, we are able to pay our bills, I really enjoy the job I have teaching but all I seem to see is the number 47 and it being 3 from 50. Why is it that we always wanted to be older when we were younger then all of a sudden we are older and want to be younger. It is as if there was a period of time we were happy to be the age we were but didn't know it at the time.
I want to be good with 47...48..and onward. I want to be sure that at any age is never to old for God to do wonders. I want to know that getting older does not make me irrelevant. I want to always be attractive to my husband. I want to be taken seriously when I say something because of the life I have lived and what I have experienced. I do not want to be marginalized because of my age or my gender or both. I want to be heard. I want the weight of the years to bear witness to God's faithfulness. I want to try new things and listen to advice. I want to love the young , admire the older , and learn from the middle. I want to speak up , speak out and listen carefully.
So a happy 47th..even if the happy part I am not so sure about.
1 comment:
Heidi -
Such a good post - a keeper! You voiced the dreams/wants of us all as we grow older - as least you have for me. The only thing I do notice, that is personally upsetting, is that I have found that growing older DOES make me irrelevant in an age when its all about youth - listening to them, using their gifts and talents, giving them all the opportunties. Don't get me wrong, I love our youth and love to see them flourish wholeheartedly. I just don't like to be sidelined because I am "older". After years of full, fulfilling ministry I find this hard. So in this new season of my life I voice to the Lord all the "wants" you listed ... and wait! Sometimes not so patiently.
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