Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Being 47


On this day we had spent too many hours sleeping on the floor, had wandered too many days in the rain, used too many holes in the ground for a bathroom and I was near the end of whatever rope I was hanging on.
The outside of my world as I turn 47 isn't the same but this is what I feel on the inside. A bit overwhelmed by the immediate pressures and perplexed by the state of affairs in my own mind.
I am very grateful at this time of my life...I am healthy, my children are well, I have the love of my husband, we are able to pay our bills, I really enjoy the job I have teaching but all I seem to see is the number 47 and it being 3 from 50. Why is it that we always wanted to be older when we were younger then all of a sudden we are older and want to be younger. It is as if there was a period of time we were happy to be the age we were but didn't know it at the time.
I want to be good with 47...48..and onward. I want to be sure that at any age is never to old for God to do wonders. I want to know that getting older does not make me irrelevant. I want to always be attractive to my husband. I want to be taken seriously when I say something because of the life I have lived and what I have experienced. I do not want to be marginalized because of my age or my gender or both. I want to be heard. I want the weight of the years to bear witness to God's faithfulness. I want to try new things and listen to advice. I want to love the young , admire the older , and learn from the middle. I want to speak up , speak out and listen carefully.
So a happy 47th..even if the happy part I am not so sure about.

1 comment:

Sharon said...

Heidi -
Such a good post - a keeper! You voiced the dreams/wants of us all as we grow older - as least you have for me. The only thing I do notice, that is personally upsetting, is that I have found that growing older DOES make me irrelevant in an age when its all about youth - listening to them, using their gifts and talents, giving them all the opportunties. Don't get me wrong, I love our youth and love to see them flourish wholeheartedly. I just don't like to be sidelined because I am "older". After years of full, fulfilling ministry I find this hard. So in this new season of my life I voice to the Lord all the "wants" you listed ... and wait! Sometimes not so patiently.