Curtiss Lee

Curtiss would have been 55 years old today. We met at Moody Bible Insititute and married the year we graduated. This picture was taken at CMA conference in Pyramid, Papua on July 13, 1985.  6 months later my Mother left this earth and 14 years later Curtiss followed.
This man captured my heart with his passion for the Lord, his sense of humor, his love for adventure and his love for me. He played scratch golf and wrote poetry. He loved his friends and loved his family and wrestled with demons of addiction and self worth.  To say we had a lovely and peaceful marriage would be false, there were some years that were hellish for both of us. When he died at the early age of 39 he had driven most demons away and had lived shame free for a year. He is the father of both our children and has left his legacy imprinted on their personalities and features.
There are times when I am still angry for the years swallowed by addiction and its aftermath. I have another life now but on this day and April 26th, the anniversary of this death...the life we had comes back into focus. It is strange to speak of a former husband, I know. It is at times awkward when I call Scott, Curtiss though that happens less and less. Most the people I see on a daily basis never knew Curtiss or my life with him. I wonder what my life would have been if he was still in it. If we would have worked through our issues and had a good life. If his love for his kids would have given the impetus to live sober. He was such a good soul, such a peaceful and broken man. When I hear the phrase from Leonard Cohen's , Anthem...

Ring the bells that still can ring
Forget your perfect offering
There is a crack in everything
That's how the light gets in.


We are all cracked open with our own brokenness...if ever I saw light shine through broken though was in the life of Curtiss Lee.


September 4, 1959 - April 26th, 1999