Cracking up, cracking in.

We ( Scott and I)  are going to China in about a week. We are not traveling there by train but will be traveling in country by their famous bullet trains. I am so excited and so nervous and then of course full of anxiety because I am flying there.  As you may know by now, I do not travel well and went to the doctor yesterday to get me some strong anti anxiety pills. The first I have gone to such lengths to help me in the journey. 

It is a work/vacation where I hope to make contact with families of students, students and maybe even some schools.  I have never traveled to China...I hope it will help me understand that amazing giant of a country that has played a role in everyone's history. 

 

I read about a person who traveled a lot by plane and was probably about as afraid of flying as I am. What I loved about his post is not how afraid he is but how brave he felt every time he flew.  I don't often get to face my fears willingly as I do when I fly. If I want the benefit of travel then I pay the cost of fear. It is a comparable exchange of emotions. I earn the joy of a new place through  the pain of a familiar fear. It is always worth it, it is always emotionally exhausting.

The window above is from Alcatraz. It a window adjacent to a row of cells, not quite low enough to see outside but big enough to let in the light. A window frame of what was, what is and what may be but just out of reach. There was a beauty in the intricacies of the bars, bars that really were not necessary... it is an island. I see fear the same way. It is a window into what and who we trust.  The bars of fear are unnecessary because we put them there ourselves.  Fears isolates and imprisons, creating an island of what could be but isn't. I will wrestle these bars in a few days. I will long for freedom and negotiate with the Almighty for good weather and calm flights.  I will also take some medicine, that's the sunlight.

I am so cracked. Oh Father, let the light in !