Wednesday, March 19, 2008

Leaving and longing

One of my freshmen students found out at the start of this week that she is going back to Canada at the end of this week. She is a business student, Dad works at the mine here in Papua and they have decided that they no longer want him to work for them. Just like that uproot, pack and leave. She is such a delight and I will miss her. The leaving and the longing that is etched on her face is remarkable in its clarity. It is echos through out our school as the Seniors embark on their senior trip which marks the beginning of the end for their time here as well. I catch myself preparing as well for those twins of mourning. I look at Mt. Cyclops every morning on my walk to school and deliberately take a mental picture reminding myself that soon the view will be mundane in comparison. I revel in the banter with my students knowing that soon the level in the classroom will not be so innocent nor so easy. I drink in the warmth of the sun because I know that even in summer it never gets warm enough for me in Lynden. My dreams are full of discord as my mind begins to wrap itself around the familiarity of the feelings that have haunted me from my youth. Will I be better at it this time around? Will the longing that accompanies the leaving handicap my ability to settle back in Lynden? Can I savor the gift of being here without letting the pain of leaving spoil?
In a book that we all have been reading "The Shack", the main character deals with the same in wrestling with the fears of tomorrow. Jesus reminds him that most often when we fear the future is because in our imaginations we never imagine Jesus being there with us. Our future is fearful because we leave Him out of it. Mijo said something remarkable at the table yesterday...She was talking about how amazing it was that the Holy Spirit would indwell us...live in us. She wrapped her arms around herself and said "It makes me want to just hug myself".
So...maybe...could be...most likely will be...all OK this leaving and this longing.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Heidi - I love Mijo's insight and comprehension of the Holy Spirit's indwelling. It took me until the 2nd year of Bible School before I "got" that message, in spite of being raising with the 4 fold Gospel of the Alliance all of my life. Blessings on all of you - LEW