In my relationships with people I wonder whether I make bridges or walls. Lately, I think , I have been wall building for reasons I still have to figure out.
I saw a friend of mine not too long ago whom I had not seen ...well, she had not known that I had colored my hair...how long ago was that! This is a really good friend but days and weeks go by before I realize that I haven't called her and she hasn't called me. We are never awkward when we see each other but I think we are baffled that neither of us have taken the initiative to build some bridges . I have many lame-o excuses but the reason I don't build bridges is that I seem to be building walls. I think it is either one or the other for me...intentional about not making connections. WHY is that?
Today is a perfect example. Scott is at drill, Nick is at a chess tournament, and Mijo is at drama practise all day. It is me and the dog. I could call to see if anyone is free to ...whatever, but I am home cleaning, posting, reading, running...solitary endeavors. I am not my daughter who I look at with pleasure as she makes friends, keeps friends and hangs with friends. She amazes me. Since I am her mother...where did she get that dynamic from? I wonder if it is OK for me to not be in need of that dynamic...maybe it isn't either/or , bridge or wall. Building bridges, repairing walls, making the effort to go out, protecting the desire to stay in. I seem to need walls, Mijo needs bridges. I need to make some bridges, she needs to repair some walls. Advance and retreat! I may make some phone calls today !
1 comment:
I loved what you did on "bridges"...also the post on Nick. Such angst they have in junior high.
I used to feel if I could just put them in a bubble until they were around 25, everything would be so much better. This week, I told my own son (in his 40's)that I just read that teen-agers' pre-frontal lobes in the brain did not develop until they were about 19-20. What do you think of that? I asked him. He replied, I think that is probably right. Fortunately, I had parents with pre-frontal lobes.
So, hang in there. One of these days, Nick will be in his 40's. Of course that means you (like me) will be in your 70's!
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