Not so much a child anymore but Mijo suggested the other day that Scott and I should not leave her to her own neither now nor when she is in college.
Every day at LC I have the privilege of working with ESL or ELL ( always changing names) students who come from Korea and Taiwan. They leave home during the 8th grade or sooner to come here to the US. They live with people they do not know, in a language they do not speak well, in a culture completely different ...without family unless it is skype, email or phone calls for 9 months at a time and for some longer. There is a distance from family but a loyalty non-the-less. I understand being away from family having gone to boarding school, what I don't understand is that these young students have lost their connection to their parents and it seems to be not only normal but expected. When I ask what they miss, always friends and food. There are enough Asian students at LC for them to create their own sub-culture and they continue to separate themselves all the while they seek to learn and absorb the English language. I have become their bridge between the worlds as I seem to understand both well enough.
With Mijo and Nick have we created too much of a dependence? Has this American culture elevated the role of parents to a place that we have become too necessary to the growth and independence of our children. I have learned over the years that it is never one or the other...but is there a balance? Scott and I can't be tied to the success of our children, Mijo and Nick have to find their feet and wings. Their feet are getting anchored in solid ground. Nick is entering his teenage years so we will see. Their wings on the other hand...pretty stunted. The Asian students fly well, their grounding though pretty unstable and peer influenced. But, they do forge ahead independently and often rather successfully. Again...there has to be balance in the both. We can't toss the baby out with the bath water...but we should begin tossing the baby out of the nest sooner then at 18 years of age. How's that for mixing idioms?
They are both young, these chicks of ours...but whether I like it or not...They have to learn how to fly!
1 comment:
I can't say I'm an expert at pushing the fledglings out of the nest...I liked my nest full. But I can say that my kids, as young adults, have thanked me for some of the restrictions we put on them in their pre/ & teen years. We were pretty narrow with some of them -- and frankly, now they have developed some values that I would define as "looser" than mine...But still they thanked us for creating a delay, allowing them to be more mature when they made decisions about some issues. Their comparison with others who had determined some values at a much younger age, made them glad they had been allowed to wait...And yet, I can see other ways in which I needed to let them flap about ungracefully, as it would have strengthened those wings...As you said, God help us find the balance!
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