Treading Water

Treading water: the ability to stay afloat but not to move ahead.

It seems of late that no matter the good intentions, the noble plans, the just the right word at the right time...nothing moves. It is like the exercising that I do...I have yet to break the barrier where I am not afraid of the consequent pain. So, I tentatively do my routine to maintain but not to strengthen. I won't call the doctor for a well check up because I am afraid of bad news. There is nothing going wrong but since the accident last May, I know something can happen at any time with no warning. Ignorance is bliss at the moment. Treading water seems to be safe place at the moment. The foray's I make seem to come up empty which magnifies the feeling of inadequacy.

I have a student who I had to call out yesterday, he was sleeping. Not only that day but every day for the last week. He says to me..."I liked this class when we started but it is really boring now". I told him that I was sorry he felt that way, but I knew that others were interested in the content. I told him he could drop the class...which he did. No matter how hard you try in areas you have had success...there is the fly in the proverbial ointment.

Impasse...treading water...uncertainty...insecurity...fear!

I love swimming and if there was a sport I probably could have been good at, it would have been swimming. What I love about the tropics is that swimming is so much part of the context of living. The water is usually warm. I tread water to see rest, to see where I need to go, to wait for someone who is a slower swimmer, to look around at the scenery. Maybe treading water at the moment is not such a bad thing to be doing. I am still in the water...I have not given up the swim.

So, I guess these are the random thoughts of a treader of water...where are you in the swim of things.