It is always surprising how I deal with these 'somethings'. I get mad, frustrated, depressed, and anxious. As if somehow I should be exempted from these experiences. The sermon on Sunday reminded me that like Abraham when choosing which land to live on gave the first choice to Lot..who chose the lush and easy. Abraham took the wilderness. Maybe when all is said and done the perspective needs to be wilderness walking rather then lush living. Since the world we live in is broken and breaking why wouldn't it be hard? As I look up from the myopia of my life and turn on the TV I am literraly inundated with BIG SOMTHINGS. Not only flooding but MASSIVE flooding, not only tornadoes but KILLER tornadoes and on and on it goes every single day. It is as if we are all walking into a different kind of time and different kind of "SOMETHING".
Where do I go with this wilderness walking where nothing is safe, comfortable or predictable. I keep thinking the oasis is the norm...rather then the exception. The illusion of control is my illusive addiction.
My name is Heidi and I am in denial...
- I admit I am powerless over this addiction -
- Step 2 - Came to believe that God could restore me to sanity
- Step 3 - Made a decision to turn my will and my life over to the care of God.
- Step 4 - Made a searching and fearless moral inventory and found myself wanting
- Step 5 - Admitted to God, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs
- Step 6 - I am entirely ready to have God remove this defect of my character
- Step 7 - Humbly asked God to remove my shortcomings
- Step 8 - Made a list of all that I think I can control and laugh at my arrogance.
- Step 9 - Live in the moments of oasis and Shalom not as a right, but a gift.
- Step 10 - Continued to take personal inventory and when I am in denial promptly admit it
- Step 11 - Sought through prayer and meditation to improve my contact with God , praying only for knowledge of God's will for me and the power to carry that out
- Step 12 - Having had a spiritual awakening and knowing I cannot control anything...trust in the One who goes before, and who I follow.
1 comment:
I understand something of what you are wrestling with. In your 12 steps, it looks like you are taking the right steps and know the importance of "Your will be done on earth" prayers. As we walk with God throughout the years, we learn that He is trustworthy. Then the process of letting Him be God and take care of ALL of life (big and little details)gets easier. I've watched Al go from having heart arrhythmias because he tried to control the uncontrollable to where he is today. This morning, he expected that certain specific things would be a part of this day. However, other urgent/important things kept demanding attention, time and energy. He seemed to accept the interruptions as God's agenda for him, aware that if God's work was being done, then all was right in his world.
It isn't easy when emotions and personal agendas get in the way.
"Not my will, but Thine be done" gives peace.
An old Christian song just came to mind. "Trust and obey, for there's no other way to be HAPPY in Jesus, but to trust and obey."
Does this make sense to you? Or am I missing something? - lew
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