Grief's work and Grief works

On the way to the Mbua, we went and visited Nduga's who lived in Wamena. This lady being hugged by Scott had just lost her son to AIDS. She hugged and wept on every one of us. We held her, hugged her and passed her on to the next set of arms. A few days later she arrived in the Mbua and the minute she walked off the airplane, a group of ladies surrounded her and sat on a rock near the airplane and just wept.

Every time I saw her in the next several days she was weeping and being held. She embodies what grief feels like.

A friend of mine the other day said that I was dealing with grief. The loss of health, the loss of mobility, the loss of what may have been and for what may come. I know grief, she has been my companion for many many years. She comes to me like this lady did and holds on to me and weeps. I don't do this often but there are times when I stop and count, not my blessing but my losses.

She (grief) has walked with me in the boarding school of Sentani, the immigration to the States, the leaving of my parents back to Papua, the death of my mother, the death of Curtiss, being homeless, loosing two well-loves jobs, leaving Papua... loosing my health. She has whispered on many nights and graced many mornings with her melancholy. She hangs on to every hope and shadows every prayer. Blessed are they that mourn for they shall be comforted. Grief isn't wrong or right...grief is. We did not want to hang on to this lady, she was dirty, she smelled, she did not speak our language...but we did.

Grief's work is an on-going choice to hang on or let go. Grief works to change our perspective on the temporary and set our eyes on the eternal. Loss lingers and deepens our joy. Though weeping may endure for the night, joy comes in the morning. There is nothing quick, easy or gentle about grief...she invades your space, overwhelms your senses and hangs on for dear life. She embodies all that is broken and lost and missing. But...and again I walk with her in company...I become something new from what I have lost. I am humbled by my loss, long for what is eternal, more gentle with others, have a deeper understanding of what matters...and sad. But...I will be comforted and the arms will surround me, I will be passed from arm to arm, I will have time to sit and weep...I will get up again and go forward.

And may you to be comforted in your grief as it works in you and through you.

This I know, she has come and found all of us.