24 years

My mother died 24 years ago...a lifetime. In this picture only two are left and we are both getting older. It was only 6 months after this picture that Mom left her sickly body and got a new one. This was my wedding day in Pyramid, Papua..Indonesia. My Mom had worked so hard to get everything ready for this big day. She and my Dad had only met Curtiss 2 weeks before. I was so young then, so was she. So much loss since that day.

This past week a young wife lost her husband to a farming accident. Mijo commented how similar it was to our situation 10 years ago when Curtiss went to work and fell off a roof. How easily those emotions come back, the sharpness of the loss, the loneliness of the nights. God has restored so much and given me my wonderful Scott and many women who have stepped in for a moment to mother me along. But, I wonder what would I have been like if my Mom had walked these days with me. Would I be more gentle and kind? Would I be less cynical and more trusting? Would I have an easier relationship with God?

Would we be a closer family?

That day in January was such a traumatic day for us all; the phone calls, the long plane ride, the empty house, the broken father. I wanted to ask a friend of mine the other day what it was like to have a mother at this age. But she does not know otherwise...I envy her ignorance.

I hope I am like my Mom in some way...that is some way she lingers not only in our memories but in our experiences. I can't help but feel how different I would be...better I think.