Saturday, July 3, 2010

When do you let it go...

When will what I was become less important then who I am? As I reach the middle earth of living why do the whispers of my early years sound louder and louder? Do I have to listen...or am I finally able to understand that all my years make up all my life. The lonely 6 year old, the confused 13 year old, the angry 17 year old, the hopeful 21 year old, the curious 25 year old, the confident 31 year old, the grieving 35 year old, the restored 41 year old...she is all here. But...when can I silence the younger Heidi with the maturity of Heidi the 46 year old.

I work with high school students who carry their younger wounded selves close to the surface. The inability to carry some of their grief is understandably...I have enough years to hide the worst of mine but these students don't know how and somehow I don't really want them to...How to help them deal though is tricky. How do you deal with wounded souls when the wound was inflicted to a soul being formed...there is so much confusion.

I find my 46 soul protecting my 6 year old and 11 year old soul...but when can I just be 46 and look forward to 83? Do I drag all these years with me or can I be 46 whole, rather then a collection of bad and good years. If I live quickly in the dash...is bringing the past dragging the run? I think I am tired for that reason...I can't embrace my future because I have carried them all too long. They are me...but they can't define who I will become anymore.

Can I let her go? Do we really have to take our history so seriously?

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

Heidi, I hear your pain and fatigue. There is freedom from the hurts and deficits of the past. I know from experience that freedom that Jesus provides (John 8:36).

Although my healing from damaged emotions began some time earlier, Mike & Cindy Riches have provided important sound biblical teaching as well. https://www.sycamorecommission.org/courses/LivingFree/

A team of us went to Gig Harbour, WA in the spring of 2009 to spend a weekend with them. All 6 of us came back with new areas of freedom. Then your Dad and Elf. took in their teaching in Feb.'10 at Westgate.

I am praying that you will sense God's leading. He has a unique path that will lead to your freedom. John 8:36 is a promise to accept personally, a gift to unwrap and make your own. Blessings as you "let it go" ~lew

Anonymous said...

Thank you...I will check out their web page and think on John 8:36 H

Anonymous said...

Nice fill someone in on and this enter helped me alot in my college assignement. Thanks you seeking your information.